Suri's Burn Book

The thing is — I, too, am too cool for the Kids’ Choice Awards. But you know what I do?

I don’t go to the Kids’ Choice Awards.

Hell must be frozen over, because here’s an outfit of Willow Smith’s that I don’t hate. It’s edgy without being too tacky and shows her style without screaming for attention. Her hair is atrocious, but everyone’s hair looks atrocious in this awkward growing-out phase, so at least she’s owning it.

Oh, God. What has become of me.

This is the kind of outfit you wear to fight crime in the future, or if you run the X-ray machine at a hospital and you want to be “edgy” with your radiation protection. Or, I guess, if you’re Willow Smith and it’s Thursday.

Oh, brother.

The family that goes clubbing in South Beach together stays together. Or something like that.

I stopped trying to understand the Pinkett-Smiths a long time ago.

It’s mutual.

I really didn’t think anything could be worse than cut-off denim overalls, but then Willow Smith accessorized them with a dog she dyed pink. Not only is this unnecessary and inhumane — it doesn’t even match!

I feel so sorry for every pet this family has ever had, and every person Willow Smith has ever known. And that includes myself.

Go ahead and keep thinking you’re cool. I’m just glad you’re matching.

By the way, you’re not cool.

I am starting to understand that it’s too late to change Willow “I Am Me” Smith. She’s a lost cause in leopard print.

But it’s not too late for the rest of the world, which is why I find this photograph extremely disturbing. Willow’s friend (Stella Hudgens, sister of Vanessa) is trying way too hard to emulate her famous pal.

Look at her face. It’s like she’s saying, “Is it okay that my combat boots are red and not black? Isn’t it cool how I’m expressing my individuality by tying my shirt up, even though I’m doing everything else exactly like you? Is is time to put our straws in our mouths?”

Pick a better style guide.