Posts tagged suri cruise
Suri's Burn Book
Just because you don't have a Ferragamo handbag doesn't mean you can behave like a child. (I'm looking at you, Shiloh.)
My good friend (well, my future good friend) Kiernan Shipka is in this month’s Teen Vogue talking about all of the expensive products she can’t live without. She’s particularly fond of special Shiseido sunscreen (“The sun hasn’t burned my skin once since I was introduced to this product years ago.”) and a little pink purse she uses at events to carry her iPhone and cash. (I assume the cash is to tip valets or bartenders?)
I graduated to the grown-up version years ago, but maybe I need to start reading Teen Vogue again.
Yesterday afternoon I was feeling so optimistic about celebrity child fashion, facial expressions, and hats.
This sad, floppy hat on Isla Fisher’s daughter Elula has me rethinking that optimism. It looks like it belongs on a 19th-century maid on her day off, not on a modern, wealthy child. Also, there’s a fine line between looking like a bored sophisticate and looking angry — Elula’s a little too far on the angry side here.
She obviously has a lot to learn; luckily for her, I am the master. Try something like this next time:
So I have some news.
While the Afflecks have been doting over Baby Samuel (and surely showering even less frequently than usual) and the Smiths have been spending loads of money attempting to bribe Lady Gaga into mentoring Willow, I’ve been doing something much more productive in my free time.
(I know, haha! As if I have free time between holding the puppet strings at the New York Stock Exchange and plotting Blue Ivy Carter’s fall from grace. I’m taking Midtown Manhattan back, Beyoncé.)
Anyway, mostly on planes between Los Angeles, New York, and Paris, I’ve been writing a book. A real one this time.
Suri’s Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary from Hollywood’s Little Sweetheart will be published by Running Press this fall. The book will be my completely new, completely definitive guide to the families of Hollywood, and no one will be spared – better prepare yourself, Mason Disick.
If you’re bored, you can find out more about the book and my ghostwriter here. I myself am going to go buy noise-canceling headphones. Katie’s decided to start singing again.
Even when she looks decent (read: not hideous), Katie still says the dumbest things sometimes.
No, Mother, a Dawson’s Creek reunion is not a good idea.
Do you see what I have to put up with every day?
Jessica Alba tweeted a picture of Baby Haven being cute for Easter. I like the spring dress, and it’s cute that she can smile on command now, but let’s not kid ourselves.
I already did the bunny look to perfection, so why try?
Welcome to white shoe season, everyone!
If I looked skeptical on the helipad, it’s because I was thinking about how close I was going to have to sit to Katie’s floral pantsuit and an “American Eagle”-shirted fellow. Breathing recycled air is even worse when it contains the putrid stench of retail.
Everything about Katie Holmes makes me physically cringe.
According to Jay-Z’s managing partner, Melanie Fiona (AKA Nobody McNobodystein), Blue Ivy Carter looks Just. Like. Jay. Z.
Which explains why Beyonce is covering up Blue’s face in all of these sidewalk pictures.
“Beyonce says Blue changes every day and looks just like Jay now. She just is so happy. I’ve seen Bey like 3 times since she’s had the baby, and she’s just glowing and she’s saying [motherhood] is the best, and she just loves it!”
I don’t know who you are, Melanie, but let’s be best friends.
I mean, great day or greatest day? Time for cake.
Can I get this as an oil painting? Prints are for poor people.
Also, thank you. This blog really gets me.
But You’re Like Really The Boss, Suri.
