Suri's Burn Book

It’s okay, Mason. I’d cry too, if I were you. Just in general, all the time.

Also, can we just take a moment to contemplate Penelope’s hairline? I am mystified by it.

Kim Kardashian bought Penelope Disick a miniature Balenciaga bag. It’s not that I’m against kids having designer handbags (I’m very pro-designer handbag), but this is just a joke. First of all, she captioned this on Instagram with “Awe Penelope is wearing the little Balenciaga bag I got her for Christmas!” And, she’s not wearing it. Her dumb-as-rocks aunt is holding it near her.

Second of all, that bag is too small to hold anything bigger than a cotton ball. If it can’t fit a credit card and a lipstick, it’s not a handbag.

Hang in there, Penelope. I wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don’t like liars.

Watching Penelope Scotland Disick become aware of her horrible surroundings and the bleak life awaiting her is the best part of keeping up with the Kardashians.

Looks like Penelope Disick just realized she’s a Kardashian. Sorry, kid.

Jennifer Aniston’s face says it all, really. I’ve never thought the Kardashians were all that special, but it appears that Kourtney has given birth to Benjamin “Penelope” Button.

Penelope Scotland Disick is the newest Kardashian, born yesterday to Kourtney and Scott, pitied since then by yours truly.

Penelope Scotland? Did they just string together the fanciest words they knew? They could name that child Diana, Princess of Wales and she’d still be the least classy person in America, after Aunt Kim, Snooki, and Barbara Walters.

God, I hope they are planning to call her Pippa, just for the irony.