Suri's Burn Book

Nick and Mariah renewed their vows last night at Disneyland, in a fairytale-themed attentionfest that they somehow coerced 250 guests into attending. (It was also in celebration of Moroccan and Monroe’s birthday, although you’d never have known it, by the looks of things.)

I’m pretty sure Mariah is still mad that the twins’ birth was overshadowed by the biggest news weekend of 2011, and she’s trying to make up for it. Next year: vow renewal on the moon.

Yesterday was a holiday, which meant it was time for Mariah Carey to put costumes on her children and trot them out for a good Instagram! I’m sorry, Roc and Roe. This is your life. (Moroccan knows.)

At least Mariah looks happy and beautiful in the official Carey-Cannon Christmas card! (And that’s really all that matters, right?)

NEWS ALERT: MONROE CANNON GOT GLASSES. I’ll just be up in my room laughing for the next four days or so. Mariah must be so mad that her baby turned out to be a nerd.

At least Monroe seems to have figured out that balloons are lame.

I’m trying to decide if I think this is really how the Carey-Cannons “hang out at home.” On the one hand, Mariah is wearing an evening gown and Moroccan is wearing what I assume to be a “Moroccan”-inspired get-up. (They are trying so hard to prove their commitment to that terrible baby name.) But on the other hand … yeah, this is totally what they wear on random Thursday nights. 

Mariah Carey’s babies: props that can breathe.

I know they are treating you like a young member of the Russian Imperial Family, but actually, your father is Nick Cannon and you are wearing jeans. You have no right to this facial expression.

The Carey-Cannon twins, Monroe and Moroccan, Dem Babies, Roc and Roe, etc. turned one last weekend. And in true Mariah fashion, it was a real affair — white formalwear, custom pastries, and the Plaza Athenee in Paris.

It does sound wonderful. I love hotels, Paris, and fancy desserts.

Unfortunately, you can’t class up Nick Cannon or his offspring, because those children are definitely sporting pacifiers, which is a major faux pas.

Paris is wasted on people like this.

I don’t know what Nick Cannon is trying to prove with this ultra-serious face. That he can carry two babies with his shoes untied and a hat balanced precariously on his head? Congratulations?

I hope you are proud of yourself, Mariah — if not for marrying this winner, then for getting back into those skinny jeans. You look great, which is more than anyone can say for your husband.