Suri's Burn Book

Posts tagged mason disick

I’ve recently been alerted to a startling Kardashian fact. (Sorry to admit — I do not watch Kourtney and Kim Take New York. I would rather eat glue.)

Mason Disick, age two, has an imaginary friend named “Donna.”

Life is so rough in that house, and those people are so vapid, that the two-year-old has to invent more interesting people to hang out with. And honestly, I bet that empty air is more cultured than any real person in that child’s life.

I’m lucky that I was born with outstanding networking skills, or else I may have had to conjure up imaginary friends in order to survive life with the Holmes-Cruises. I have a Donna, too — only her name’s Donna Karan and she’s not at all imaginary.

In a recent installment of her ridiculously stupid “Mommy Blog,” Kourtney Kardashian spoke about her son Mason’s love of books.

“I read books to Mason all day long. Usually when he wakes in the morning, he loves to read a book. In the middle of the day he reads books. We read books at night. So, reading is a huge thing in our family.”

I watched the entire video so you all don’t have to (which you are welcome for, by the way), and not once did Kourtney name a single book that she or Mason has ever liked or read.

It’s Sarah Palin and the newspapers all over again.

Do the Kardashians even know how to read? I just assumed they had people to count their money and read aloud to them.

Hey, look, it’s a Kardashian news round-up! (At the end, we can have a barf party.)

Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, and I am just about ready to give up on humanity. This woman can’t even dress the child she has, and now the universe is giving her another one?

Speaking of Mason’s fashion sense (or lack thereof), Kourtney recently gave E! a tour of Mason’s wardrobe. Spoiler alert: He only owns twelve pairs of shoes. Pathetic.

“I’ve seen so many little boys,” Kourtney says, “And their outfits are so cute. And then their moms put, like, kind of dorky shoes on them.” I mean, I couldn’t agree more, but you aren’t allowed to say this when your child wears moccasins to an occasion that isn’t Halloween or some public school Thanksgiving pageant.

Moving on. Barbara Walters has appointed the Kardashians to her annual list of “Most Fascinating People.” Barbara and I have been on the rocks since she fawned over those Mariah Carey babies like they were the second coming, but she is officially not getting any more anonymous breaking news tips from me. Perhaps Diane Sawyer will be more appreciative.

Finally, to end on a positive note, Kim Kardashian now says she may not ever have children. (!!!!!) “At first I was like, I want six kids,” she said. “Then I went down to four, then I was down to three. And now I’m like, maybe I won’t have any. Maybe I’ll just be a good aunt.” (!!!!!) Great choice, Kim. Really. This may be the best judgment you’ve shown in your entire life.

Okay, I’m done. I can’t believe I just wrote that much about these people.

Which one of these things do you think smells the worst?

Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian reportedly went to this pet store to purchase a snake for Mason, age 22 months. What happened to traditional pets, like dogs, cats, and thoroughbred racehorses?

I’m actually skeptical that the snake was bought as a pet. It’s more likely that snake is going to become Kourtney’s next shirt or Khloe’s next homemade Botox injection. Somebody call PETA.

Look, I love Burberry as much as the next Anglophile, but this is a little much. With the moccasins, the sunglasses, and the aggressive use of the Burberry Check, Mason Disick is trying just a little too hard. Or should I say—Kourtney Kardashian is trying just a little too hard. (I assume Mason isn’t ready for the responsibility of dressing himself yet, although from the looks of it, he might do a better job himself.)

Everyone knows that the most respectful way to wear Burberry is as the lining in a classic coat.

I mean, they already treat Mason like an accessory, so why not?