Posts tagged katie holmes
Posts tagged katie holmes
Fly commercial? You cannot be serious.
I am too delicate for peasant travel.
Time for another edition of “What Lies Did They Make Up About Me Today?”
1. According to the ever-reliable “Reveal Magazine” (had you heard of it before?), my trendsetter days are limited. “Katie has been returning unsolicited gifts and loans from designers for Suri since she arrived in New York. She’s issued instructions to remove Suri from all freebie lists. Tom loved to spoil Suri and indulge her, but Katie has other ideas.” I think it’s so cute that people thought Tom was stocking my closet. While the man does love a good pump, do you think a guy who clings to every spare quarter-inch he’s got would be buying heels for anyone who’s going to stand near him ever? People, I have my own American Express black card. Don’t worry.
2. The Daily News is reporting that Tom and I were involved in a high-speed chase with the paparazzi trailing us. This has been vastly overblown. Really, we were just sitting in a car while he sang the “Mission: Impossible” theme and “drummed” on the headrest. Insufferable.
3. Katie is returning to Broadway in a play called Dead Accounts, playing “a fairly unglamorous character.” This is true, and it is hilarious. Only you call it a play, and I call it EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don’t smile at me, don’t match me, don’t even look at me until you get yourself some new shoes.
I’ve seen these heeled elfin booties enough for one lifetime, thank you very much.
Let freedom ring.
Look at my face. Look at my face, use your critical thinking skills, and ask yourselves … was this Suri’s idea?
When I said I was going for a walk, it wasn’t an invitation.
So I have some news.
While the Afflecks have been doting over Baby Samuel (and surely showering even less frequently than usual) and the Smiths have been spending loads of money attempting to bribe Lady Gaga into mentoring Willow, I’ve been doing something much more productive in my free time.
(I know, haha! As if I have free time between holding the puppet strings at the New York Stock Exchange and plotting Blue Ivy Carter’s fall from grace. I’m taking Midtown Manhattan back, Beyoncé.)
Anyway, mostly on planes between Los Angeles, New York, and Paris, I’ve been writing a book. A real one this time.
Suri’s Burn Book: Well-Dressed Commentary from Hollywood’s Little Sweetheart will be published by Running Press this fall. The book will be my completely new, completely definitive guide to the families of Hollywood, and no one will be spared – better prepare yourself, Mason Disick.
If you’re bored, you can find out more about the book and my ghostwriter here. I myself am going to go buy noise-canceling headphones. Katie’s decided to start singing again.
Here’s a picture you never knew you needed to see — Joshua Jackson holding January Jones’s baby, Xander Dane Jones, in a pool. (That’s January in the hat and the frown.) I just have so many questions about this situation.
How are Joshua Jackson and January Jones friends?
Why don’t Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger have their own babies yet? I mean, look at that. It’s an awkward angle, and it’s still the best thing I’ve seen all week.
Most importantly, can we all now agree that Katie Holmes is the dumbest person on this or any continent? In another universe, that guy could’ve been my dad.
I hate everything.
Even when she looks decent (read: not hideous), Katie still says the dumbest things sometimes.
No, Mother, a Dawson’s Creek reunion is not a good idea.
If I looked skeptical on the helipad, it’s because I was thinking about how close I was going to have to sit to Katie’s floral pantsuit and an “American Eagle”-shirted fellow. Breathing recycled air is even worse when it contains the putrid stench of retail.