Posts tagged harper seven beckham
Posts tagged harper seven beckham
Uh-oh. It’s Harper Beckham’s first birthday and it appears that my mentee has finally discovered shoes and Louis Vuitton luggage.
I’m so proud, and yet so worried. I’ve been saying for months that Harper will only be truly competitive once she wears shoes; I guess I never considered the fact that they might actually teach her to walk. So let’s just all remind ourselves that in Harper’s first year of life, she threw up on herself in public, and I wrote a book.
I love a trip to Disneyland as much as the next girl, but going like a peasant (be-backpacked and everything) sounds like a nightmare. Cute dress, though, Harper. (I won’t comment on the bare feet. I think you know how I feel about that by now, but just remember everything I’ve ever said on the subject and multiply that by about 100, since this is at a public theme park.)
Also, is that candy? Never trust food that is served in a tube.
David and Victoria Beckham have chosen Eva Longoria as the godmother of Baby Harper. (I hope they know she’s not even on television anymore.)
Eva said of her goddaughter, “"She’s so fashionable, the most fashionable little girl around. All I keep thinking is the closet which she is going to inherit."
Harper Beckham, most fashionable? Please, as if. That child still isn’t consistently wearing shoes or nail polish.
In the same interview, though, Eva called Harper “a chunky monkey.” At least she’s getting some of it right. Harper Beckham needs a spin class more than Willow Smith needs a punch in the face.
Harper Beckham has reportedly been offered a modeling contract with the company My 1st Years, who told Harper via open letter that they would pay her a “significant amount” to be their celebrity ambassador.
“We know you have implacable [sic] style and taste. You were therefore the immediate first choice for our campaign.”
Harper, good job turning this down. As your mentor, it is my duty to help you navigate the waters of celebrity endorsement, and I am sure you will have many more opportunities far better than this one. Following are my rules for celebrity endorsements:
I’m so proud! Harper Beckham has finally perfected the disapproving scowl I’ve been training her on for months.
I wonder what provoked it — annoying paparazzi? A tardy car service? Unmet brunch expectations? We’ve all been there.
At her New York Fashion Week show, Victoria Beckham introduced a new handbag called “Harper,” after her fashion-forward baby. The bag is sophisticated, modern, and … I’m sorry. It’s just really hard to take a baby seriously after the world sees her throw up.
Look adorable all you want, but we know the truth now.
Is it my birthday?
When I first saw this, I thought it was some Perez Hilton project, but no. Ladies and gentlemen, Harper Beckham threw up on herself yesterday.
The only thing more mortifying than being seen with Tom Cruise is publicly vomiting while barefoot. Gosh, I hope Baby Harper is okay!
Meanwhile, I can barely contain my glee.
Harper and Victoria Beckham jetted off to New York yesterday to show their collection at Fashion Week. (Yes, Harper is taking partial credit for this fall collection.)
Dressed in coordinating plaids, the ladies of the Beckham family certainly look cute, although I wish Harper would get over the shapeless shift dress trend already. Perhaps something with a more youthful silhouette next time?
The Beckhams have returned to Mother England, looking very casual. (Harper’s still not keen on shoes, I see.)
In the spirit of the holidays, I shall put aside my differences with Harper Beckham and not rejoice in the fact that these dear friends of mine are on another continent right now.
I will also, very politely, link you to this scientific assessment of celebrity children and our spheres of influence.
Spoiler alert: I beat Harper for first.
Not so interested in carrying her on your hip like your most expensive accessory when she’s got awful, gravity-defying bedhead, are you, Mrs. Beckham?