Suri's Burn Book

Harper Beckham’s lunchbox is so last season, and so is smiling at the paparazzi. Get with it, Harper — it’s all about scowling now.

Not once in my entire life have my feet been as dirty as Harper Beckham’s are in this picture. You know what would help with this problem? Shoes, and not going places where there is dirt.

David Beckham has reportedly joined the Paris St. Germain soccer team, which means that the Beckhams will now split their time between London and Paris.

This is so unfair. There’s no way Harper Beckham will be able to really appreciate Paris. (Except for croissants and other French bread products.)

The Beckhams (minus Harper) got dressed up for the premiere of the Spice Girls musical in London. As usual, they look basically perfect. I must say, I love Cruz Beckham in a suit any day of the week, but the real stand-out here is Romeo. That very-British coat is so handsome and smart.

I just wish I was part of this family already.

In happier news, David Beckham has completed his contract with America, is done with his soccer career, and is possibly moving his family back overseas where they belong. So Harper and HRH The Baby of Cambridge can just be the best of friends and I can be beautiful and famous all on my own. I don’t need them.

They better do it fast before they have to buy two plane tickets for Harper’s thighs.

Cruz Beckham, known feminist, intensely watched the women’s beach volleyball finals with his father. (I hate sand, but I love watching ladies win gold medals, so this event is kind of confusing for me emotionally.)

Cruz: seven years old and still the one that got away.

Harper Beckham went to lunch in London with her glamorous parents, both of whom are participating (at least ceremonially) in the Olympics.

Yesterday, I got an emergency tetanus booster shot after I was afraid that Katie’s cab ride idea might have lasting consequences on my health.

I hate everything.

I love a trip to Disneyland as much as the next girl, but going like a peasant (be-backpacked and everything) sounds like a nightmare. Cute dress, though, Harper. (I won’t comment on the bare feet. I think you know how I feel about that by now, but just remember everything I’ve ever said on the subject and multiply that by about 100, since this is at a public theme park.)

Also, is that candy? Never trust food that is served in a tube.

I’m so proud! Harper Beckham has finally perfected the disapproving scowl I’ve been training her on for months.

I wonder what provoked it — annoying paparazzi? A tardy car service? Unmet brunch expectations? We’ve all been there.