Posts tagged britney spears
Posts tagged britney spears
Britney Spears’s sons will cameo in her newest video, premiering tomorrow, and she shared this Instagram shot of them as a preview.
You know, everyone in the Spears-Federline family has made vast improvements in recent years, and I don’t think there’s anything that makes America happier than seeing Britney’s life stabilize, but what is happening with Jayden’s hair? Hair should not be vertical, ever, and shoes should never have laces.
But keep trying. We’re all rooting for them.
The Spears-Federlines: charming as ever.
(Britney, you look great.)
I don’t know what’s worse — Sean Preston’s shiny jeans or Sean Preston’s shiny hair. Actually, we all know what’s worst here.
Jamie Lynn Spears shared a photo of her daughter, Maddie, dressed up for a school “Celebrity Day” as her Aunt Britney.
Not only is Britney’s “Baby, One More Time” outfit age-inappropriate for anyone under six, but there are so many better celebrities to emulate. Meryl Streep would have been a fine choice for Maddie, or Dame Julie Andrews, or Hillary Clinton. Also, none of these would have required wearing fluffy ponytail holders, which have never been and will never be okay.
Maybe I’m just sleep-deprived or something, but even with her tramp stamp on full display and both of them in outfits that have been through a screen-printing machine, I just can’t find anything negative to say about Britney Spears, pictured here snapping photographs of Jayden Federline on a beach.
Congratulations, Britney. You’re officially boring.
Britney Spears posted this photo of her son on her blog, saying, “Jayden is having some hair raising fun on the trampoline!”
Two things I hate: static and redneck backyards.
Britney Spears closed out her Femme Fatale tour this weekend by bringing her entire family onstage. The child here is her niece, Maddie, daughter of Jamie-Lynn Spears, who is still not of legal drinking age.
Note that, even though Maddie’s outfit appears to be from the Wal-Mart sale rack, she is looking questionably at Aunt Britney’s fishnet-jorts combination. While the judgment might be a little pot-meets-kettle, at least someone had the nerve to give this woman’s outfit a second glance.
Oh, Britney. Let’s go through this one by one, shall we?
1. Batman isn’t wearing any shoes. This immediately destroys the illusion of the costume. Do you think The Dark Knight fights crime in socked feet? Neither do I.
2. There’s nothing sleazier than a messy red carpet. Somebody pick up that random pen on the floor!
3. The ninja has something (Lipstick? Rouge? Some kind of medieval rash?) all over his face. Why did you deem this child red carpet-ready?
4. I retract my previous statement about sleaziness. Case in point: Britney’s non-costume costume. I will never be able to un-see this, and neither will her children.
5. Britney posted this photo on Google+, which may just be the most embarrassing part of all.
Britney Spears appeared on the UK morning program Daybreak, where she talked about her childrens’ futures:
“When I’m on the road they come with me and they love being on the road. When I was younger I was always on the road and it’s always exciting. They are in awe, they come home and copy the dancers and the dancers’ moves and try to get on their heads and do spins and do all these things. They’ll definitely, probably be, in the entertainment businesses.”
I mean, if Sean Preston and Jayden can figure out how to make money on headspins, they should do it, because it’s not like they’re going to be stockbrokers or pilots or any kind of job that requires math.
Also, “definitely, probably” is a great phrase. Kind of like saying, “Britney Spears is definitely, probably not a danger to those kids anymore.”
This picture is my nightmare. When I go boating, I like to have amenities like a tanning deck and an on-deck casino. I mean, do you think that bald guy is their personal sushi chef? Because I don’t. Rednecks sure do have low standards.