Suri's Burn Book

Suri's Burn Book

Just because you don't have a Ferragamo handbag doesn't mean you can behave like a child. (I'm looking at you, Shiloh.)

Posts tagged brad pitt

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Angelina Jolie gave a very touching speech while accepting an honorary Oscar for her humanitarian efforts, choking up as she addressed Brad and Maddox in the audience.
I’m very confused by my feelings about this. On the one hand, Angelina has done a lot of work for women and children around the world, and she probably does deserve this award. (I mean, who else are they gonna give it to? Miley?)
But on the other hand, she’s a scary smug witch and she’s just the worst. And if she’s such a good humanitarian, why can’t she do something about the crisis in Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s closet?

Angelina Jolie gave a very touching speech while accepting an honorary Oscar for her humanitarian efforts, choking up as she addressed Brad and Maddox in the audience.

I’m very confused by my feelings about this. On the one hand, Angelina has done a lot of work for women and children around the world, and she probably does deserve this award. (I mean, who else are they gonna give it to? Miley?)

But on the other hand, she’s a scary smug witch and she’s just the worst. And if she’s such a good humanitarian, why can’t she do something about the crisis in Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s closet?

Filed under angelina jolie maddox jolie pitt brad pitt

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Brad and Angelina have a wine now, I guess. Because why not? It’s called the Miraval Rose 2012, it sells for $139 for six bottles, and I hear it tastes like sacrificial pony blood with traces of greasy beard and afternotes of skank. It’s not for everyone.

Filed under angelina jolie brad pitt

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Have you been missing the Jolie-Pitts lately? Me either, but there’s news about them anyway.
According to an Us Weekly pizza restaurant source, the children are holy terrors in public. (Not that this is really news.)
"The place shuts down for the entire night and the kids raise a ruckus. They jump on tables and even throw food at each other! Brad and Angelina just sit there and talk to one another while the children run around in circles.” Apparently, Brad and Angelina just want to “let the kids enjoy themselves.”
I’ve always suspected that dining with the Jolie-Pitts would be a little like a prison riot, but I never imagined it would be this bad.
Meanwhile, the Jolie-Pitt children have already gotten in their letters to Santa. According to a postal worker in the English countryside, “It was so cute. All the children sent messages to Father Christmas and were absolutely beautifully behaved.” 
Either she just saw a pack of dirty peasants and assumed they were the Jolie-Pitts, or these kids know how to turn on the charm for Santa. Not that I don’t know a little bit about modifying behavior in order to get presents, but … ugh, these kids are terrible and I hope they have an awful Christmas.

Have you been missing the Jolie-Pitts lately? Me either, but there’s news about them anyway.

According to an Us Weekly pizza restaurant source, the children are holy terrors in public. (Not that this is really news.)

"The place shuts down for the entire night and the kids raise a ruckus. They jump on tables and even throw food at each other! Brad and Angelina just sit there and talk to one another while the children run around in circles.” Apparently, Brad and Angelina just want to “let the kids enjoy themselves.”

I’ve always suspected that dining with the Jolie-Pitts would be a little like a prison riot, but I never imagined it would be this bad.

Meanwhile, the Jolie-Pitt children have already gotten in their letters to Santa. According to a postal worker in the English countryside, “It was so cute. All the children sent messages to Father Christmas and were absolutely beautifully behaved.” 

Either she just saw a pack of dirty peasants and assumed they were the Jolie-Pitts, or these kids know how to turn on the charm for Santa. Not that I don’t know a little bit about modifying behavior in order to get presents, but … ugh, these kids are terrible and I hope they have an awful Christmas.

Filed under shiloh jolie pitt the jolie pitts angelina jolie brad pitt

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Brad Pitt shilling for Chanel No. 5 is like … Honey Boo Boo becoming the face of Hermès.

If Chanel really wanted Brad Pitt, they should’ve changed their classic scent to include a heavy smell of burlap bag with beef jerky afternotes.

Filed under brad pitt chanel

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Well, things are finally starting to make sense around here.

Brad Pitt admitted to James Lipton on Inside the Actors Studio that he keeps the Jolie-Pitt children’s energy up with caffeine.

"I admit there’s times like, ‘We gotta get up. Get up! Here’s your shoes. Here’s your shoes. Drink this Coke. Drink this Coca-Cola. Drink it all. Right now! Drink it! Drink it! Drink it!’ Just so we could get ‘em up and going.”

That’ll do it. No wonder Shiloh’s eyes always look like she’s on uppers.

I myself drink only carrot juice, coconut water, and the occasional Diet Sprite.

Also, that James Lipton’ll get you. I’ve inadvertently told that man so many secrets.

Filed under brad pitt Shiloh Jolie-Pitt james lipton

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Well, celebrity child news kicked back into full swing today with this late-breaking item:

Pax Jolie-Pitt was taken to the grocery store in the sidecar of his father’s motorcycle!

As if Brad Pitt wasn’t pretentious enough already, he went out and bought himself a motorcycle with a sidecar. And then took the most mysterious Jolie-Pitt out for a ride in it.

I must say, I like the idea of riding in a sidecar, but only if it is in the English countryside and Colin Firth is driving.

Filed under Pax Jolie-Pitt brad pitt

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In this sea of crazy and gray (can anyone tell Maddox and Pax or Shiloh and Knox apart anymore?), there is a hidden gem.

Vivienne Jolie-Pitt is turning into quite the little fashionista! Love the bulky capelet-coat contrasted with the sleek black leggings, and the suede boots are adorable, if you like dull colors as much as this family does.

Seriously, for people as committed to multiculturalism as the Jolie-Pitts, they sure do like monochrome.

Filed under angelina jolie Vivienne Jolie-Pitt Shiloh Jolie-Pitt brad pitt

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Mr. Popper’s Penguins is a story about a man who acquires one and then two and then twelve crazy, troublemaking penguins! So Brad Pitt must have felt like he was watching his own life onscreen when he took his many, many children to see the film version. The penguins are probably better-smelling.

In some foreign translations, Mr. Popper’s Penguins is actually subtitled “The Brad Pitt Story.” That’s right, I read foreign translations of chapter books.

Filed under brad pitt