Posts tagged blue ivy carter
Suri's Burn Book
Just because you don't have a Ferragamo handbag doesn't mean you can behave like a child. (I'm looking at you, Shiloh.)
Blue Ivy wears jeans.
And you all thought she was going to be able to compete with me.
Hey, look, it’s Beyonce with her three lamest accessories: round sunglasses, a BlackBerry (????!!!), and Blue Ivy Carter, sans shoes.
If you can’t play Angry Birds on it, it’s not a phone.
Blue Ivy has a yacht.
It’s just a small one, but still…
Welcome to my hell.
Beyonce took her baby out yesterday in a fur sling, which begs the question—
Why hasn’t anyone flour-bombed Blue Ivy yet?
According to Jay-Z’s managing partner, Melanie Fiona (AKA Nobody McNobodystein), Blue Ivy Carter looks Just. Like. Jay. Z.
Which explains why Beyonce is covering up Blue’s face in all of these sidewalk pictures.
“Beyonce says Blue changes every day and looks just like Jay now. She just is so happy. I’ve seen Bey like 3 times since she’s had the baby, and she’s just glowing and she’s saying [motherhood] is the best, and she just loves it!”
I don’t know who you are, Melanie, but let’s be best friends.
I mean, great day or greatest day? Time for cake.
Oh, thank goodness, she’s ugly. She’s so, so ugly.
Ugh, who am I kidding. This baby is beautiful. (Although let’s be honest; she does favor her father, and we’ll see how that works out for her later.)
What really burns me is the method of delivery of these photos, which I refuse to link to.
I spent the week solidifying Aspen loyalties — and not just the ski town. I locked down the Aspen Institute, as well, and let me tell you, it was a hard bargain with Walter Isaacson. I did not give him the rights to my authorized biography lightly.
I had no idea I needed to be shoring up support here at Tumblr. I thought we had an agreement.
One thing’s for sure — I’ve always had better hair.
Beyonce has re-emerged, in a dress that is too small to flatter any part of this post-baby body. (Is that ruching or is her dress just stretched beyond its limits?)
She was also apparently wearing blue nail polish as an homage to daughter Blue Ivy, and I would just like to say a big, loud NO.
You are not appropriating the color blue. You do not own it. Your baby doesn’t own it. I happen to love blue nail polish, too, but don’t ever think that it’s a reference to Beyonce’s pretentious baby.
Ugh.
And the betrayal just keeps rolling in.
Rumors spread today that Oprah Winfrey will serve as Blue Ivy Carter’s godmother, a fact which I cannot stomach.
As you all know, my family’s relationship with Oprah (and her furniture) goes back years. Just last Christmas, she holidayed with us in Telluride. I have sat through countless dinners with that insufferable Gayle King, all because my parents will do anything to please Oprah.
And what does it get you? She just abandons you in the night for the next trendy baby. You know, I wasn’t sad to lose the hip-hop community or the Lower West Side or even my now-former maid to the mystery of Blue Ivy Carter — but this one hurts, Oprah.
I spent the holiday weekend in New York, mostly because I felt it was strategically necessary. I paid some calls to old friends (and frenemies) in order to do a little reconnaissance work on how Manhattan loyalties are falling in place in the Blue Ivy aftermath.
No surprise — the Upper East Side is still firmly in my camp, and that’s all that really matters.
Also, Mary Poppins on Broadway is delightful.
So Jay-Z “dropped” a new song on his Web site about Blue Ivy Carter. (By the way—it’s officially Blue Ivy Carter now.) (Also, do you call raps “songs”? Is this a rap? I don’t know.)
Let’s get out our handy-dandy notebook and decode the Blue’s Clues in these lyrics, shall we? Oh, God, I hate myself for making a Blue’s Clues reference. Please don’t think I watch children’s programming. (Actually more of a Downton Abbey girl myself, these days.)
First things first: this baby is obviously very loved.
But enough about that.
Bad-ass lil Hov
two years old, shopping on Savile Row
Wicked-ass lil B
Hard not to spoil you rotten, looking like lil me
So this baby is both “bad-ass” and “wicked-ass.” Two words (are those words?) I don’t mind never being used to describe me. I am concerned about Blue Ivy’s closet, because you know they’re going to spend a fortune and a half on her wardrobe, but that’s mitigated by the suggestion that she looks more like Jay-Z than Beyonce. Oh, goodness, I’ve been hoping for that since August 29.
I wreak havoc on the world
Get ready for part two
A younger, smarter, faster me
Saw a pinch of Hov
A whole glass of B
Don’t worry, Mr. Z. I’m ready. I had a head start, and I already know how to write and wear shoes.
At the end of the song, you can hear Baby Blue crying in the background. It’s sweet, I guess, but were they trying to keep her on key? If so, it was a massive failure. It’s not looking good for the hope that Blue Ivy will inherit her mother’s perfect pitch.
Next?
