Posts tagged beyonce
Posts tagged beyonce
Beyonce, Jay-Z, and Blue Ivy “Miniature Jay-Z” Carter are in France for the Mrs. Carter world tour this week, where they continue to disappoint in the fashion department. Miniature Jay-Z is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which I am pretty sure is a felony in Paris.
If it’s not, it should be.
Blue Ivy Carter was spotted in Brooklyn (haha) this weekend with her mom, and oh my gosh look how tall she is! Look at her workboots. Look at her ability to exist that close to a public trash can without freaking out.
She’s not fooling me into thinking she’s tougher than me, though.
Okay, fine, she might be tougher than me.
Beyoncé, private unless she is promoting something, has shown Blue Ivy Carter’s face for the first time, and boy does this child look like Jay-Z. Was Beyoncé even there?
Of course, this is what I had hoped for when Beyoncé was pregnant, because it was hilarious imagining Jay-Z’s features on a little baby. But dammit, she makes it work.
In this month’s Vogue, Beyoncé talks about Blue Ivy Carter, saying, “She’s my road dog. She’s my homey, my best friend.”
She also told Vogue that she wants Blue to have a normal childhood, including running through sprinklers and having lemonade stands, all that classic Affleck stuff.
Yuck. I could not be less interested in selling underpriced lemonade to strangers, getting wet grass on my body, or being anyone’s “road dog.” I’m starting to feel bad for Blue Ivy, and that is not a feeling I am comfortable or familiar with.
Fame is a balance between being mysterious and being available to your adoring public. Beyonce wants Blue Ivy to be famous, but she also wants her to be exclusively mysterious — hence, the occasional blurry photo of Blue’s back posted to Beyonce’s website.
It’s not working. I’ll say it now—
Blue Ivy Carter is boring.
This just in: Beyonce is definitely not pregnant.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved, and that includes all the times there were pregnancy rumors about my own mother. I knew Katie wouldn’t betray me like that, but Beyonce … she and I have issues.
If this Beyonce pregnancy rumor is true, I quit.
I won’t survive it a second time.
You win some, you lose some.
Last summer, Beyonce visited a Mediterranean island and subsequently posted a video about some blue ivy (GET IT?) she saw there. Now, Major Pjerino Bebic, of the Croatian town of Hvar, is offering Blue Ivy Carter honorary citizenship.
I am not sure what this means in terms of passport details or voting rights, but a secondary citizenship is nice to have in case of an emergency. Knowing she can live like an expat on a Croatian beach if push comes to shove must make Blue Ivy feel a little more secure in her choices.
But in addition to this lovely international honor, it has recently come to light that Beyonce is friends with Kim Kardashian now.
I hope this friendship is worth the dignity you sacrificed for it.
So at Beyonce’s concert last weekend in Atlantic City (the Monte Carlo of New Jersey), she gave a shout-out to Michelle Williams, who — along with fellow Destiny’s Child lesser-known Kelly Rowland — babysat Blue Ivy Carter while her mom was performing.
Do you think she does that just to remind them that they aren’t as famous as her?
If so, brilliant.
Blue Ivy wears jeans.
And you all thought she was going to be able to compete with me.