Posts tagged beyonce
Posts tagged beyonce
You win some, you lose some.
Last summer, Beyonce visited a Mediterranean island and subsequently posted a video about some blue ivy (GET IT?) she saw there. Now, Major Pjerino Bebic, of the Croatian town of Hvar, is offering Blue Ivy Carter honorary citizenship.
I am not sure what this means in terms of passport details or voting rights, but a secondary citizenship is nice to have in case of an emergency. Knowing she can live like an expat on a Croatian beach if push comes to shove must make Blue Ivy feel a little more secure in her choices.
But in addition to this lovely international honor, it has recently come to light that Beyonce is friends with Kim Kardashian now.
I hope this friendship is worth the dignity you sacrificed for it.
So at Beyonce’s concert last weekend in Atlantic City (the Monte Carlo of New Jersey), she gave a shout-out to Michelle Williams, who — along with fellow Destiny’s Child lesser-known Kelly Rowland — babysat Blue Ivy Carter while her mom was performing.
Do you think she does that just to remind them that they aren’t as famous as her?
If so, brilliant.
Blue Ivy wears jeans.
And you all thought she was going to be able to compete with me.
Hey, look, it’s Beyonce with her three lamest accessories: round sunglasses, a BlackBerry (????!!!), and Blue Ivy Carter, sans shoes.
If you can’t play Angry Birds on it, it’s not a phone.
Blue Ivy has a yacht.
It’s just a small one, but still…
Welcome to my hell.
Beyonce took her baby out yesterday in a fur sling, which begs the question—
Why hasn’t anyone flour-bombed Blue Ivy yet?
I take comfort in the fact that Mariah Carey is suffering even more than I am about this whole Blue Ivy Carter thing. In the wake of the Great Blue Ivy Photo Release of 2012, Mariah quickly uploaded a new picture to her own baby website, touting it as “the first photo from 2012!”
As if we care.
I would love nothing more than to sit back and watch Mariah Carey and Beyonce try to out-baby each other.
Beyonce has re-emerged, in a dress that is too small to flatter any part of this post-baby body. (Is that ruching or is her dress just stretched beyond its limits?)
She was also apparently wearing blue nail polish as an homage to daughter Blue Ivy, and I would just like to say a big, loud NO.
You are not appropriating the color blue. You do not own it. Your baby doesn’t own it. I happen to love blue nail polish, too, but don’t ever think that it’s a reference to Beyonce’s pretentious baby.
Ugh.
So Jay-Z “dropped” a new song on his Web site about Blue Ivy Carter. (By the way—it’s officially Blue Ivy Carter now.) (Also, do you call raps “songs”? Is this a rap? I don’t know.)
Let’s get out our handy-dandy notebook and decode the Blue’s Clues in these lyrics, shall we? Oh, God, I hate myself for making a Blue’s Clues reference. Please don’t think I watch children’s programming. (Actually more of a Downton Abbey girl myself, these days.)
First things first: this baby is obviously very loved.
But enough about that.
Bad-ass lil Hov
two years old, shopping on Savile Row
Wicked-ass lil B
Hard not to spoil you rotten, looking like lil me
So this baby is both “bad-ass” and “wicked-ass.” Two words (are those words?) I don’t mind never being used to describe me. I am concerned about Blue Ivy’s closet, because you know they’re going to spend a fortune and a half on her wardrobe, but that’s mitigated by the suggestion that she looks more like Jay-Z than Beyonce. Oh, goodness, I’ve been hoping for that since August 29.
I wreak havoc on the world
Get ready for part two
A younger, smarter, faster me
Saw a pinch of Hov
A whole glass of B
Don’t worry, Mr. Z. I’m ready. I had a head start, and I already know how to write and wear shoes.
At the end of the song, you can hear Baby Blue crying in the background. It’s sweet, I guess, but were they trying to keep her on key? If so, it was a massive failure. It’s not looking good for the hope that Blue Ivy will inherit her mother’s perfect pitch.
Next?
Well, it’s here.
Beyonce reportedly gave birth to a daughter yesterday in New York, named either Blue Ivy or Ivy Blue. (Gwyneth Paltrow says it’s “Blue Ivy,” but since when has she been a trustworthy individual?) Ivy Blue Knowles-Z is a much better name, so obviously I’m pushing for the opposite.
For all of you who are concerned about my well-being, don’t be. I am fine. Well, I will be fine after my acupuncture appointment and a kickboxing class.
Here’s a picture of Amy Poehler’s ginger baby to cheer us all up:
