Suri's Burn Book

Natalie Portman’s baby looks surprised to find himself at a public park. I understand you, Aleph. I never go to places where other children touch things without latex gloves and a tetanus booster.

I don’t know, people. Looking at Natalie Portman’s flat, wet hair, her super-boring shirt (What do you call that color? Spoiled apricot?), and her pajama-clad baby, I’d say the Portman-Millepieds are giving Jennifer Garner and Violet a run for their money in the unkempt celebrity category.

I hate that this category exists.

Uh-oh, everybody! Amy Poehler’s ginger baby has some competition.

Turns out, Natalie Portman’s son Aleph is a redhead, too. He’s more of a strawberry blonde, but it still goes to show that hair genetics are one of this world’s most harrowing mysteries.