Suri's Burn Book

Suri's Burn Book

Just because you don't have a Ferragamo handbag doesn't mean you can behave like a child. (I'm looking at you, Shiloh.)

Posts tagged Jessica Simpson

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Jessica “Wait, What About Me?” Simpson had a baby boy over the weekend and, in a move I can only assume was done to steal tabloid column inches from North West, has named her child Ace Knute Johnson.
Ace like the bandage. Knute like that cute baby polar bear abandoned by its mother. I mean, who named this baby, Sarah Palin?
Congratulations, Maxwell Drew. You have the second-worst name in the family now.

Jessica “Wait, What About Me?” Simpson had a baby boy over the weekend and, in a move I can only assume was done to steal tabloid column inches from North West, has named her child Ace Knute Johnson.

Ace like the bandage. Knute like that cute baby polar bear abandoned by its mother. I mean, who named this baby, Sarah Palin?

Congratulations, Maxwell Drew. You have the second-worst name in the family now.

Filed under jessica simpson ace johnson

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Jessica Simpson captioned this photo “Metaphor,” but she could’ve just called it “Please remember I’m pregnant, too.” She must be feeling like Kim Kardashian stole all of her thunder, which can’t be a comfortable feeling.

Jessica Simpson captioned this photo “Metaphor,” but she could’ve just called it “Please remember I’m pregnant, too.” She must be feeling like Kim Kardashian stole all of her thunder, which can’t be a comfortable feeling.

Filed under jessica simpson

127 notes

Every weekend marks an occasion for people to bring presents to Jessica Simpson’s house, and this time it was Maxwell Drew Johnson’s first birthday. According to People, guests were treated to face painting, a children’s band (ugh), and an array of food including “hot dogs, grilled cheese, tacos, fresh fruit, lemonade and candy.”
I believe everything except for the fresh fruit thing.

Every weekend marks an occasion for people to bring presents to Jessica Simpson’s house, and this time it was Maxwell Drew Johnson’s first birthday. According to People, guests were treated to face painting, a children’s band (ugh), and an array of food including “hot dogs, grilled cheese, tacos, fresh fruit, lemonade and candy.”

I believe everything except for the fresh fruit thing.

Filed under Maxwell Drew Johnson Jessica Simpson eric johnson

128 notes

Jessica Simpson had her second baby shower this year, because I guess that’s something people do now. At this rate, Jessica’s friends are going to be broke by 2015.
Fellow celebrities, a word. The only two circumstances under which it is not aggressively tacky to throw a second (or third or fourth) baby shower are as follows:
A charity shower, so people can celebrate the mom (as they should, since she is about to birth a new famous person) without having to buy her tacky self a present. She is rich — it is insulting to suggest that she can’t afford her own baby gear.
If you meet all of these criteria: you have a bunch of boys, you are finally pregnant with a girl, your youngest is older than five, and your name rhymes with Blictoria Schmeckham. Then it’s okay.

Jessica Simpson had her second baby shower this year, because I guess that’s something people do now. At this rate, Jessica’s friends are going to be broke by 2015.

Fellow celebrities, a word. The only two circumstances under which it is not aggressively tacky to throw a second (or third or fourth) baby shower are as follows:

  1. A charity shower, so people can celebrate the mom (as they should, since she is about to birth a new famous person) without having to buy her tacky self a present. She is rich — it is insulting to suggest that she can’t afford her own baby gear.
  2. If you meet all of these criteria: you have a bunch of boys, you are finally pregnant with a girl, your youngest is older than five, and your name rhymes with Blictoria Schmeckham. Then it’s okay.

Filed under jessica simpson