Suri's Burn Book

Suri's Burn Book

Just because you don't have a Ferragamo handbag doesn't mean you can behave like a child. (I'm looking at you, Shiloh.)

Posts tagged Jessica Simpson

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Jessica Simpson had her second baby shower this year, because I guess that’s something people do now. At this rate, Jessica’s friends are going to be broke by 2015.
Fellow celebrities, a word. The only two circumstances under which it is not aggressively tacky to throw a second (or third or fourth) baby shower are as follows:
A charity shower, so people can celebrate the mom (as they should, since she is about to birth a new famous person) without having to buy her tacky self a present. She is rich — it is insulting to suggest that she can’t afford her own baby gear.
If you meet all of these criteria: you have a bunch of boys, you are finally pregnant with a girl, your youngest is older than five, and your name rhymes with Blictoria Schmeckham. Then it’s okay.

Jessica Simpson had her second baby shower this year, because I guess that’s something people do now. At this rate, Jessica’s friends are going to be broke by 2015.

Fellow celebrities, a word. The only two circumstances under which it is not aggressively tacky to throw a second (or third or fourth) baby shower are as follows:

  1. A charity shower, so people can celebrate the mom (as they should, since she is about to birth a new famous person) without having to buy her tacky self a present. She is rich — it is insulting to suggest that she can’t afford her own baby gear.
  2. If you meet all of these criteria: you have a bunch of boys, you are finally pregnant with a girl, your youngest is older than five, and your name rhymes with Blictoria Schmeckham. Then it’s okay.

Filed under jessica simpson

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Jessica Simpson sold clothes at a mall in North Carolina this weekend (seriously), and Maxwell was there to help.
She looks almost as confused as I do. What is a “Belk”? What are these shoes with laces? Why did Jessica dress her in such non-colors? And can Ashlee breathe with her hair that tight?

Jessica Simpson sold clothes at a mall in North Carolina this weekend (seriously), and Maxwell was there to help.

She looks almost as confused as I do. What is a “Belk”? What are these shoes with laces? Why did Jessica dress her in such non-colors? And can Ashlee breathe with her hair that tight?

Filed under maxwell drew johnson Jessica Simpson ashlee simpson

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Jessica Simpson tweeted this photo along with the caption, “Maxwell has her momma’s pout down pat.” She also has her mother’s cheeks, affinity for leopard print, and weird hair choices. What is going on with that ponytail?

Jessica Simpson tweeted this photo along with the caption, “Maxwell has her momma’s pout down pat.” She also has her mother’s cheeks, affinity for leopard print, and weird hair choices. What is going on with that ponytail?

Filed under Maxwell Drew Johnson Jessica Simpson

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Jessica Simpson was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and she “accidentally” spilled that she’s having a boy.

Quoth Jess:

I’ve been vomiting… The crazy thing is that I never knew that a weiner could actually make me nauseous. Oh, shucks! Well, I guess told the world that I’m having a boy! … I just did it so crude too. I feel awful. I talked about wieners!”

If Jessica could come up with a joke on the spot, I have no doubt it would be a dirty, unfunny one, but this was totally planned.

Filed under Jessica Simpson

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In a round-up of stupid things pregnant celebrities are saying this week…
Kim Kardashian says she won’t stop wearing tight clothes throughout her pregnancy: “I think because I have big boobs it could make me look heavier if I don’t, like, show off my waist or something.” Okay, Kim. Whatever you say. But when you can see the fabric stretched across your butt, it may be time to rethink that fashion philosophy.
Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson has reportedly chosen a baby name: Ace. No word yet on if she’s expecting a boy or a girl; knowing Jessica, it doesn’t matter. 

In a round-up of stupid things pregnant celebrities are saying this week…

Kim Kardashian says she won’t stop wearing tight clothes throughout her pregnancy: “I think because I have big boobs it could make me look heavier if I don’t, like, show off my waist or something.” Okay, Kim. Whatever you say. But when you can see the fabric stretched across your butt, it may be time to rethink that fashion philosophy.

Meanwhile, Jessica Simpson has reportedly chosen a baby name: Ace. No word yet on if she’s expecting a boy or a girl; knowing Jessica, it doesn’t matter. 

Filed under kim kardashian Jessica Simpson

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As you know, Jessica Simpson is pregnant again, and talking about little else. She told Jay Leno (and America):

"Apparently it was a part of God’s plan for my life. I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened … all over again! We’ve had two different wedding dates, but he keeps knocking me up. I’m doing it very backwards, I know! I’ll just keep my legs crossed this time."

What a classy, modest broad. It’s not even surprising that NBC has decided to develop a television show about her life. I guess it’s their attempt to compete with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

As you know, Jessica Simpson is pregnant again, and talking about little else. She told Jay Leno (and America):

"Apparently it was a part of God’s plan for my life. I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened … all over again! We’ve had two different wedding dates, but he keeps knocking me up. I’m doing it very backwards, I know! I’ll just keep my legs crossed this time."

What a classy, modest broad. It’s not even surprising that NBC has decided to develop a television show about her life. I guess it’s their attempt to compete with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Filed under Jessica Simpson

416 notes

Jessica Simpson confirmed her pregnancy less than a week ago, and she’s already posting nearly-nude, duckface pregnancy photos of herself to Twitter. It’s going to be a long seventeen months.

Jessica Simpson confirmed her pregnancy less than a week ago, and she’s already posting nearly-nude, duckface pregnancy photos of herself to Twitter. It’s going to be a long seventeen months.

Filed under Jessica Simpson

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What?! I’m still recovering from the media blowout that was Maxwell Drew Johnson. The world isn’t ready for this, and neither am I. At least we know that, considering Jessica’s history with unusually long pregnancies, we won’t have to deal with this baby until winter 2014 or so.

What?! I’m still recovering from the media blowout that was Maxwell Drew Johnson. The world isn’t ready for this, and neither am I. At least we know that, considering Jessica’s history with unusually long pregnancies, we won’t have to deal with this baby until winter 2014 or so.

Filed under Jessica Simpson