Posts tagged Apple Martin
Posts tagged Apple Martin
You know, for as much as Gwyneth Paltrow likes to spend money, you’d really think she would buy Apple more flattering outfits. Goop’s probably wearing $2000 jeans in this picture, and Apple’s wearing a shirt from the British equivalent of K-Mart. How is that fair?
Gwyneth Paltrow gave a traditional Gwyneth interview of pretention to InStyle magazine. Here are some highlights:
“When Apple was born, she had the hugest blue eyes. I looked into them, and she was looking at me, and I felt like, You are here to teach me everything. After [Moses] was born I had postpartum depression. It was a difficult time, and because of that I believe I have an extra empathy for him, and he for me.”
“I only let them watch TV in French or Spanish. When I’m in France, I go to [Boulevard] Beaumarchais and buy all their cartoons.”
I’m glad Gwyneth realized that she knew nothing by the time she had a child, although considering this intensely self-important interview, I’m not sure that Apple has been keeping up with their lessons. Maybe because she’s been watching so many French cartoons.
Apple Martin dyed her hair pink for the Jay-Z concert that she attended with Gwyneth Paltrow and brother Moses.
I really don’t like wacky hair on anyone who isn’t Katy Perry — and even then it’s hit or miss — but this outfit on Apple isn’t a total failure. The bag is a little bit too hipster-rides-a-bike, but the blazer is fierce and she has the stride of a woman who knows she has private security.
Of course, Gwyneth’s shiny jeans are awful, but that’s really what I’ve come to expect from her.
Of her be-caped Oscar dress, Gwyneth Paltrow says the inspiration came from Jackie Kennedy … and her daughter, Apple.
“My daughter loves a fashion moment,” she said, to which I staunchly reply:
So Lourdes “Lola” Madonna (at least I think that’s her last name) has a blog, and her mom told Harper’s Bazaar about it:
She loves fashion and style. She helps design the collection. I just stand in the background and watch. I proofread her blogs and edit them and give her a hard time when I think she’s being a lazy writer.
Really, Madonna? You proofread them? Here’s an excerpt from said blog:
HEY!!! LoLa HeRe!
WHAT is newwww????
Something I’m newley (not a word) feelin’ , is hair and makeup tutorials on YouTube. Yeah I’m just the coolest kid. No but for shiz- it’s soooo good, I learned how to do a fishtail braid!!! haha, and there are these girls that have like violet and green hair and they do all this cool-ass makeup.
Ok random but I learned how to make brownies off of YouTube, thanks to Charlie Mc.Donell who can be found at charlieissocoollike ( that’s his YouTube channel).
Oooooh ok, so I wanna tell you about styling and shooting the Fall Material Girl Campaign! As you know it’s still with Kelly Osbourne, which is BOSS!!! And I’m SUPERRRR excited about it!!! It’s pretty awesome!
I don’t think anyone is proofreading this drivel, and if I was Madonna, I definitely wouldn’t be taking credit for this copy edit job. The only people more in need of an AP Stylebook are Ashton Kutcher and Apple Martin. (Seriously, that second-grader’s spelling is atrocious.)
For the record, my mother is not proofreading these entries. As if.
I can’t even believe that a wealthy person paid money for those shorts. Or those knee socks. (Knee socks? Seriously?) And while I can appreciate the occasional use of licensed merchandise, I think Apple Martin’s Hello Kitty bag is rather childish. The whole ensemble is just a little too pedestrian for someone of her financial standing. Ah, well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Everyone knows I only carry my Little Mermaid bag ironically:
Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple is carried by her father (Chris Martin) to a waiting helicopter as they prepare to leave New York. Obviously not a seasoned jetsetter like myself, Apple required headphones. I personally think that these headphones make her look a little dumb, but I can appreciate that headphones would make life in that family a lot easier.
I mean, have you heard her mother’s voice? Or her father’s music? Shudder.