Suri's Burn Book

This is nice — in lieu of registering for baby gifts, Shakira and her boyfriend Gerard Piqué are requesting donations to UNICEF on behalf of their to-be-born son.

“To celebrate the arrival of our first child, we hope that, in his name, other less privileged children in the world can have their basic needs covered through gifts and donations.”

Donations will cover mosquito nets, food, and other relief efforts for children around the world. (Hopefully poor Penelope Disick is on the list.)

Of course, Shakira also included a picture of herself and Gerard semi-undressed, because why not?

As you know, Jessica Simpson is pregnant again, and talking about little else. She told Jay Leno (and America):

“Apparently it was a part of God’s plan for my life. I was extremely shocked. I was shocked because I was going through a lot of hormonal changes trying to get back to the old, vibrant Jessica. And you know, it was kind of like a one-night stand. And it happened … all over again! We’ve had two different wedding dates, but he keeps knocking me up. I’m doing it very backwards, I know! I’ll just keep my legs crossed this time.”

What a classy, modest broad. It’s not even surprising that NBC has decided to develop a television show about her life. I guess it’s their attempt to compete with Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

One of my favorite rarely-seen celebrity children is Jennifer Connelly’s lovely daughter, Agnes, who has really managed to overcome that name against all odds!

In other news, Kate Middleton’s royal baby is due in July. Let’s try to look on the bright side?

1) Less attention for Baby Kardashian-West.

2) The Palace said “baby,” so it’s still not twins.

3) The baby could be born on Princess Diana’s birthday, which even I will admit is precious.

4) Nope, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got.

Adele won the Golden Globe for Best Original Song last night, and although she thanked her “lovely” infant son in her acceptance speech, she declined to call him by name. Later in the press room, she told reporters, “I am not sharing his name at the moment. It is very personal to me. I am enjoying him on my own.”

I don’t like secrets, especially from the woman who taught America how to feel. We have a lot of emotions, and we want to make your baby famous, Adele. Why wouldn’t you want your baby to be famous?

Mother-daughter affection. Gross.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I knew having a portrait artist in my pocket was going to come in handy one of these days. The royal portraitist owed me a favor, so when I told him to paint Kate Middleton with baggy eyes — one bag bigger than the other — and a smug smirk, he really didn’t have a choice.

Kate: 152,348.

Suri: 1.

I’m irrationally jealous of Ava Phillippe’s hair, and of the fact that if these three made a movie where they fight crime, I would totally watch it.

Every morning, she waits to get dressed until she sees what I’m wearing. I’m over it.

Here’s Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens with a baby who does not trust them.

Smart baby.