Suri's Burn Book

Here’s a picture you never knew you needed to see — Joshua Jackson holding January Jones’s baby, Xander Dane Jones, in a pool. (That’s January in the hat and the frown.) I just have so many questions about this situation.

How are Joshua Jackson and January Jones friends? 

Why don’t Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger have their own babies yet? I mean, look at that. It’s an awkward angle, and it’s still the best thing I’ve seen all week.

Most importantly, can we all now agree that Katie Holmes is the dumbest person on this or any continent? In another universe, that guy could’ve been my dad.

I hate everything.

Mazel tov, Giuliana and Bill. Today, you get a pass. (They are expecting a baby via gestational surrogate, after years of trying, all chronicled in great detail by the Style Network, a channel I don’t even get.) No one doubts that your baby is wanted and loved, and everyone is really happy for you. Even me.

But I know you guys. In a few months, you’ll be trotting that baby onto the Today show to promote your dating show. You’ll be airing a two-hour Style Network special on the birth. You’ll be on the cover of OK! or InTouch “opening up,” as if you aren’t already television’s second-most prolific propagators of TMI, after the Kardashians.

And I will be ready.

Jessica Alba tweeted a picture of Baby Haven being cute for Easter. I like the spring dress, and it’s cute that she can smile on command now, but let’s not kid ourselves.

I already did the bunny look to perfection, so why try?

Welcome to white shoe season, everyone!

According to Jay-Z’s managing partner, Melanie Fiona (AKA Nobody McNobodystein), Blue Ivy Carter looks Just. Like. Jay. Z.

Which explains why Beyonce is covering up Blue’s face in all of these sidewalk pictures.

“Beyonce says Blue changes every day and looks just like Jay now. She just is so happy. I’ve seen Bey like 3 times since she’s had the baby,  and she’s just glowing and she’s saying [motherhood] is the best, and she just loves it!”

I don’t know who you are, Melanie, but let’s be best friends.

I mean, great day or greatest day? Time for cake.