February 2012
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At her New York Fashion Week show, Victoria Beckham introduced a new handbag called “Harper,” after her fashion-forward baby. The bag is sophisticated, modern, and … I’m sorry. It’s just really hard to take a baby seriously after the world sees her throw up.
Look adorable all you want, but we know the truth now.
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I suppose you could say this has been a big week for head-shaving. First Willow Smith, and now Lourdes Leon — daughter of Madonna — has shaved a section of hers.
Where do they get this stuff?
It’s not cute, it’s not clever, and it’s not symmetrical, which are three of my highest priorities for haircuts and for life in general.
Also, trading a year of awkward hair...
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Is it my birthday?
When I first saw this, I thought it was some Perez Hilton project, but no. Ladies and gentlemen, Harper Beckham threw up on herself yesterday.
HOW EMBARRASSING.
The only thing more mortifying than being seen with Tom Cruise is publicly vomiting while barefoot. Gosh, I hope Baby Harper is okay!
Meanwhile, I can barely contain my glee.
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Beyonce has re-emerged, in a dress that is too small to flatter any part of this post-baby body. (Is that ruching or is her dress just stretched beyond its limits?)
She was also apparently wearing blue nail polish as an homage to daughter Blue Ivy, and I would just like to say a big, loud NO.
You are not appropriating the color blue. You do not own it. Your baby doesn’t own it. I happen...
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Leni. Leni, Leni, Leni.
I know you’re going through a rough time right now. I know your world is crazier than a Kardashian dinner party. But that doesn’t excuse pairing bunchy tights with Crocs.
I like your ballet outfit — and you and your mom’s matchy-slouchy sweaters, even.
But you are a lady, and ladies wear real shoes.
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