December 2011
30 posts
2 tags
Sorry it’s been quiet around here the last few days, but I’ve been sick and miserable ever since I saw this video:
Manolo Blahnik, in one breath, denies knowing who I am AND judges my fashion choices.
Señor Blahnik,you and your perfect strappy sandals are dead to me.
2 tags
Us Weekly has a story up on their website right now claiming that Victoria Beckham went on a $645 shopping spree for Baby Harper.
$645? I don’t consider a shopping trip a “spree” until American Express has called to verify charges.
Also, if you ask my opinion, that little dress isn’t going to do Harper’s shapeless body any favors.
2 tags
Sometimes people come up to me, and they say things like, “But Suri! Your father is an internationally acclaimed, Golden Globe-winning superstar, who is as artistically talented as he is devoted to raising awareness and funding for his fringe religion. Aren’t you proud of him?”
No. I’m really not. The man can’t even wear deodorant properly. Or, as demonstrated by...
November 2011
40 posts
2 tags
Pippa Middleton: I’m over it.
4 tags
Hey, look, it’s a Kardashian news round-up! (At the end, we can have a barf party.)
Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, and I am just about ready to give up on humanity. This woman can’t even dress the child she has, and now the universe is giving her another one?
Speaking of Mason’s fashion sense (or lack thereof), Kourtney recently gave E! a tour of Mason’s...
2 tags
We get it, Beyoncé. You are famous and your baby is famous and everyone is SO happy for you.
Me? I am all 26 dislikes this video has on YouTube. I haven’t been this nauseated since the day Tom put on his hotel balcony performance of Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina.
1 tag
Maggie Gyllenhaal is having another baby, to which I say, good luck. This is her first daughter, Ramona, who looks happy and insane and not at all scarred by the fact that she came thisclose to having Taylor Swift as a cool aunt.
You kind of get what you ask for when you name a kid Ramona, don’t you? If this family plans to continue naming their children after children’s book...
3 tags
The Spelling-McDermotts took their oldest kids to see Yo Gabba Gabba! this weekend, and Stella’s outfit is … yikes.
It’s like she borrowed costumes from community theatre productions of Annie and Cats, mixed them together, and added some cheap red weave pieces.
Also, Sprite? From a bottle? I don’t go to theatre productions where refreshments are served without garnish.
Sure, I much prefer a Storybook Breakfast to the rides at Disneyland, but I would ride Splash Mountain with the Witherspoon family. Look at Ava’s face! She even makes pure terror look awesome.
And that hands-up grandma is having more fun than I’ve had at any family function ever.
The President pardoned two turkeys this morning, but the real winner was Sasha Obama. Not only is her blazer fun and bold for fall, but that side-eye she’s shooting her father is downright epic.
She knows, as do I, that this whole turkey-pardoning bit is stale, and also that, President or not, her dad is embarrassing. Join the club, Sasha. Join the club.
1 tag
There are some disturbing rumors going around that I am writing a children’s book. Where do they get this stuff?
Obviously I write in my free time, but I am way beyond children’s books, people. My latest project is a collection of short stories reimagining Shakespeare’s historical plays as modern-day allegories of European politics.
Seriously, these tabloids can be really...
3 tags
Here are Harlow Madden and her mom Nicole Richie on their way to ballet. Let’s overlook Mrs. Madden’s stick-like ankles in those big boots and her embarrassing tights/jean-panties look and concentrate on Harlow’s get-up.
The tights are too big, the sleeves are unflattering, and if she’s trying to channel Natalie Portman here, let’s just be honest — in the...
2 tags
Tom really wants us to start pairs-skating competitively. I told him not until his triple toe loop improves and only if our team name can be The Princess and the Pea.
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Is this Violet Affleck or my grandmother?
I don’t even know.
And not just because my religion precludes me from knowing what my grandmother looks like.
1 tag
Beyoncé: still pregnant. Still rubbing it in my face.
Doesn’t it seem like she’s been pregnant for eight years, at least? I fear that I will always be able to separate my life into two distinct phases: pre-Beyoncé’s baby and post-Beyoncé’s baby.
I have a feeling I’m not going to like this phase.
2 tags
Hugh Jackman’s daughter Ava, rider of “scooters” and occasionally questionable dresser, went up a few points today when her dad admitted that she is not impressed by him or his Broadway show:
“About a week ago [my kids] came on a Sunday matinee. I said, ‘Guys, look, you can be honest with me. Do you like the show?’ My son Oscar says, ‘I really like it.’ I was touched....
4 tags
In a strange new interview with Self Magazine, Sarah Michelle Gellar talks about life with her daughter, Charlotte.
“Charlotte is my best friend, and any free time I have, I want to spend with her.”
No. The only mom who is allowed to call her daughter her best friend is the mom from Gilmore Girls, and that show isn’t even on anymore. Katie suggested she and I were friends...
1 tag
Seraphina Affleck is figuring it out!
When your mother dresses you in sneakers and a shapeless, possibly homemade frock, you’ve got to get a sweet smile.
Yes, Seraphina’s quite the charmer — imagine how much more adorable she’d be if she would just wear designer clothes.
2 tags
Ha! I’ve found Honor Warren’s first fault.
Ladies do not paint their nails more than one color. The pink is quite fun (and matches her outfit and handbag perfectly), and I could probably be persuaded that the blue isn’t tacky, but together it’s just a childish mess.
You’re never too young for a classic red.
2 tags
Bindi Irwin, age thirteen, is going to be a beautiful lady one day. (I’m really jealous of her hair, actually. Shh.) But I have some tips for her:
1. Stop following in your dad’s fashion footsteps, and wear some colors. Do you think I would be where I am today if I took fashion cues from Tom? Yikes.
2. Lay off the cheesy thumbs-up. Try a sassy hand-on-hip pose next time.
3. For...
