January 2012
35 posts
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I know it’s not fair, but when your mother becomes an overnight A-lister, you’ve got to step up your game, Vivian Falcone.
Look, I loved Bridesmaids as much as the next girl, but I don’t have the same Melissa McCarthy fever as the rest of America. (No one beats Amy Poehler for an Emmy with a CBS show and gets away with it, in my book.)
And by my counting, Vivian is wearing at...
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Here’s a photo of Kingston Rossdale touching a live fish with his bare hands and ruining any possibility of shaking my hand, ever.
The only thing grosser than fish-grabbing is … well, those pants, actually. Put this outfit on a misleading doppelganger in a Where’s Waldo picture and never, under any circumstances, wear anything with a drawstring in public again.
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As if my rivalry with Blue Ivy Carter wasn’t enough, here’s a reminder that I still have a grown-up frenemy across the pond…
The Mirror reports that my sworn enemy Barbara Walters and my dear friend Oprah Winfrey (we’re back on, for now) are jockeying to secure the first interview with Pippa Middleton. Pip has written a party-planning book and will soon be making the...
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I feel like my life would be less stressful if I could just understand Coco Arquette. It’s not so much that the dress is bad (although people need to learn that sparkle does not improve upon a shapeless silhouette), but rather that she desperately needs a lesson in hair and accessories.
The shoes are very public-school prom, the hair is flat and lifeless, and would it kill her to add some...
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Justin Bieber was on hand yesterday as Michael Jackson was honored with a “Michael Jackson Immortalized Day” on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
The Jackson children put their own hand- and footprints in cement for the occasion. (I would suggest that including the handprints of these non-contributors cheapens the value of the Walk, but they took care of that themselves in 1986.)
My...
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And the betrayal just keeps rolling in.
Rumors spread today that Oprah Winfrey will serve as Blue Ivy Carter’s godmother, a fact which I cannot stomach.
As you all know, my family’s relationship with Oprah (and her furniture) goes back years. Just last Christmas, she holidayed with us in Telluride. I have sat through countless dinners with that insufferable Gayle King, all because my parents will...
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I don’t particularly like going to Disneyland with Tom, but I needed someone to carry my bag.
Also, does anyone else think that horse pillar looks suspiciously like Violet Affleck?
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Look at this mother-daughter cuteness. I haven’t posed that nicely for a photograph with my mother since I could walk.
I never know what to think about Alice Richmond, daughter of Tina Fey and Some Guy. On the one hand, I’m prettier than she is, and she is probably kind of a nerd.
But on the other hand … nerds are “in,” despite my strong protestation, and in those...
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Bruce Jenner says he will not pressure his daughters, Kendall and Kylie, to go to college:
“If they want to go to college, certainly, I think it’s a good idea. But I’m not the advocate of, ‘You’ve got to go to college!’ I think by the time they graduate from high school, they will probably be in a position to go right to working. She’ll probably have a...
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Katherine Heigl trotted young Naleigh out again, this time on The View. Watch above as she tries to make it look spontaneous — an impromptu mother/daughter cuddle time — and fails miserably.
That child was trained, and her mother probably had a fistful of treats in her pocket.
Katherine Heigl makes Elisabeth Hasselbeck look like a party and a half. A fun party.
This post can also...
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Oh, wow. You know you are doing something embarrassing when Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is giving you the side eye.
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Now that Michael Jackson is dead, and his childrens’ public exposure is no longer limited to being dangled from balconies, my half-siblings have usurped the title of “Most Mysterious Hollywood Children.” (Did you know I have half-siblings?)
Connor (left) recently turned seventeen, and although Tom, Katie, and I were in town, we chose not to go to his birthday party. I had a...
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Jon Voight, grandfather to the Jolie-Pitt brood, told E! News he sees a future for his grandkids in the entertainment industry.
“I don’t want to say, but I have a feeling that they will,” he admitted. “I have no doubt.”
First of all, “I don’t want to say” is different from, ahem, saying things. Just like “having a feeling” is...
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Wow. The Heigl-Kelleys sure want that Naleigh to be famous and it is just not happening.
First, Katherine Heigl brought Naleigh out for an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, which — first of all — is so not the venue for a late-night debut. (I myself am waiting for an invitation from Charlie Rose.)
Despite Heigl’s desperate claims that Naleigh is “hammy” and...
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Cindy Crawford’s ten-year-old daughter, Kaia not-Crawford, is the first face of Young Versace, a children’s line from the famous brand.
Wow.
This outfit is age-appropriate, fun, and very fashion-forward. Kaia in this outfit is the perfect mix of edgy and soft, and this would be fashion perfection if she weren’t wearing socks with sandals. (Shiver.)
Donatella has been making...
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In a recent installment of her ridiculously stupid “Mommy Blog,” Kourtney Kardashian spoke about her son Mason’s love of books.
“I read books to Mason all day long. Usually when he wakes in the morning, he loves to read a book. In the middle of the day he reads books. We read books at night. So, reading is a huge thing in our family.”
I watched the entire video...
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Christina Aguilera’s son Max turned four over the weekend, and to celebrate, she treated him to a day any four-year-old would love. Reports People:
What a way to turn 4! After treating her birthday boy to a day at Legoland, Christina Aguilera took him to the Hard Rock Hotel San Diego, where she checked into a luxe Rock Star Suite with boyfriend Matthew Rutler and several friends. The...
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I spent the holiday weekend in New York, mostly because I felt it was strategically necessary. I paid some calls to old friends (and frenemies) in order to do a little reconnaissance work on how Manhattan loyalties are falling in place in the Blue Ivy aftermath.
No surprise — the Upper East Side is still firmly in my camp, and that’s all that really matters.
Also, Mary Poppins on...
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Britney Spears posted this photo of her son on her blog, saying, “Jayden is having some hair raising fun on the trampoline!”
Two things I hate: static and redneck backyards.
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Look at this terrible technique. Is that what you call pointing your toes?
Please don’t judge me for her gracelessness.
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When Us Weekly (for whatever inexplicable reason) asked Viola Davis which celebrity child she would set her one-year-old daughter Genesis up with, Ms. Davis said she “would choose Louis Bullock. Louis would be the one.”
Look, don’t think I don’t get it. Believe me, I do. Every girl should be so lucky as to have a partner as stoic and cultured as Louis “Three...
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Here’s Nahla Aubry displaying some of her “art” after school. Halle Berry’s daughter drew a self-portrait, and boy is it abstract.
Her drawing looks kind of like a Peanuts character mid-dance, but why does she have three eyes? And why does her hair go down to the floor when Nahla’s is obviously styled in a sensible, shoulder-length cut?
I try not to hold children...
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Sunday was Zahara Jolie-Pitt’s seventh birthday. I wasn’t invited to her party, but I’m sure it was lame anyway.
On Sunday morning, Angelina Jolie was spotted shopping for birthday gifts for her eldest daughter, and supposedly she purchased Zahara a whole new wardrobe. (Say what you will about Jennifer Garner, but you get the idea that she probably at least buys her...
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So Jay-Z “dropped” a new song on his Web site about Blue Ivy Carter. (By the way—it’s officially Blue Ivy Carter now.) (Also, do you call raps “songs”? Is this a rap? I don’t know.)
Let’s get out our handy-dandy notebook and decode the Blue’s Clues in these lyrics, shall we? Oh, God, I hate myself for making a Blue’s Clues reference....
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This is a photo of Johnny Depp’s partner, Vanessa, and his daughter, Lily-Rose.
She is twelve.
I’m imagining Julia Roberts’s character from Pretty Woman and Sandy from the end of Grease (you know, the leather pants one) shopping together, and both of them pass this outfit over as inappropriate, particularly for a January day. It seems more like something Lindsay Lohan would...
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Well, it’s here.
Beyonce reportedly gave birth to a daughter yesterday in New York, named either Blue Ivy or Ivy Blue. (Gwyneth Paltrow says it’s “Blue Ivy,” but since when has she been a trustworthy individual?) Ivy Blue Knowles-Z is a much better name, so obviously I’m pushing for the opposite.
For all of you who are concerned about my well-being, don’t...
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Pax, the enigma of the Jolie-Pitt family, aimed a (likely toy) gun at the paparazzi while out shopping yesterday. I’m sure this family is as committed to nonviolence as the rest of the hippies in Hollywood — and Pax’s name literally translates to “Peace,” after all — but it’s hard not to notice that this is the first thing that’s made Angelina...
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Although Kristen Bell says she has no immediate plans to marry fiance Dax (not a typo) Shepard, she says they will have children and that — quote — “It will be our gift to America.”
Um, thank you?
I hope that present comes with a gift receipt, because neither of these people brings very strong genetic material or film credentials to the table. They met while filming...
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Pretty-but-plain Seraphina Affleck was recently spotted having breakfast with her mother and wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a photo of Ben Affleck.
Gross.
I hate how much this family pretends to like each other almost as much as I hate imagining what the thread count is on that Target t-shirt.
I like that she matched her periwinkle nails to her pants — I just wish she didn’t...
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Sasha Obama! That girl is absolutely bringing it. I’ll overlook the booger-colored gloves and focus instead on the beautiful neon-primary color blocking she’s got going on. That coat is delicious — and super on-trend. (I myself don’t usually wear coats, even in the dead of winter, because then how will the paparazzi get a photograph of my outfit?)
Washington needs more...
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Coco Arquette forgot pants again. Must be Wednesday.
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Well, celebrity child news kicked back into full swing today with this late-breaking item:
Pax Jolie-Pitt was taken to the grocery store in the sidecar of his father’s motorcycle!
As if Brad Pitt wasn’t pretentious enough already, he went out and bought himself a motorcycle with a sidecar. And then took the most mysterious Jolie-Pitt out for a ride in it.
I must say, I like the...
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As you may have been aware, the Beckhams were considering a move to Paris, where Mr. Beckham was offered a spot on the Paris Saint Germain soccer team. He’s turned down the offer and opted to stay in Los Angeles, about which I have mixed feelings.
On the one hand, I would have been extremely jealous, as it is my dream to live as an American expat in France — like Gertrude Stein, but...
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First of all, I apologize for my relative silence over the last week. Lord knows I could have used some distraction from holiday-ing with the Holmes-Cruises, but when the top story at Us Weekly’s Web site is “Jessica Simpson Tweets About Pregnancy Cravings,” there’s not much a girl can do.
I’ve also been spending a lot of time in my panic room. No, Beyonce’s...
