August 2011
51 posts
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While doing press for his upcoming gig on Dancing With the Stars, David Arquette has been asked what his daughter Coco thinks about all of this:
“I said, ‘Coco, what do you think..?’ and she said, ‘Well, initially my feeling’s no, but let me go to school and talk it over with my best friend Ashley.’ She may be a little nervous that I’m going to embarrass...
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It’s hard not to approve of someone who’s friends with Ryan Reynolds and has already perfected the art of the serious eyebrow. Louis takes his role as a public figure seriously, and I respect that. (I also invented that.)
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Mr. Popper’s Penguins is a story about a man who acquires one and then two and then twelve crazy, troublemaking penguins! So Brad Pitt must have felt like he was watching his own life onscreen when he took his many, many children to see the film version. The penguins are probably better-smelling.
In some foreign translations, Mr. Popper’s Penguins is actually subtitled “The...
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I barely slept last night.
First there were Katie’s shoes.
Then there were Katie’s uncomfortable facial expressions during Lady Gaga’s performance.
Then there was Katie’s uncomfortable presenter banter, including about Bruno Mars making her feel romantic. (Gag me. And was she really the best they could get?) Then there was the fact that I had to watch at home on...
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Kate Hudson has been photographed out and about a lot in the last week, while she has been vacationing with the family in London. Here are some of the places where she has been spotted:
A cafe lunch with son Ryder and fiance Matt Bellamy
A soccer game with son Ryder and fiance Matt Bellamy
A bike ride with fiance Matt Bellamy
You guys, I think Kate Hudson forgot that she has a baby! Poor...
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Matt Damon talks about the nickname his wife Luciana gave him:
“My wife’s nickname for me is ‘Red Alert.’ I sometimes check to see if the kids are breathing. I tend be a little overprotective without trying to be a helicopter parent.”
My father is a helicopter parent, in that we own a helicopter, but he is under strict orders not to come too close without my permission and...
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People Magazine talked to Rebecca Gayheart about getting her daughter, Billie, to eat her vegetables:
“She doesn’t want to eat her vegetables right now. I’m sneaking it into food, so she doesn’t know she’s eating them, but she is!”
I am so over this whole “secret vegetable” thing. Who do these kids think they are, and why do they need to be tricked into eating...
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Tori Spelling’s son Liam recently gave his opinion of the paparazzi:
“I hate paparazzi. Next time I see one, I’m gonna spill soda on him, call him a bitch, and then maybe I’ll kick him in the wiener.”
First of all, words like “bitch” and “wiener” and “soda” are unbecoming for anyone, let alone a four-year-old. Second of all, paparazzi can be...
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TMZ reports:
Christina Aguilera is firing back at rumors she’s somehow responsible for a giant bruise on her son’s face — telling friends little Max simply had himself a little fall at the park … chasing squirrels.
The photo was taken yesterday afternoon at LAX — with rumors circulating that Christina’s “erratic behavior and alleged booze-filled...
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I think I could be friends with Naleigh Kelley, daughter of Katherine Heigl. Not just because the print on that dress is super-cute and because having Asian friends is trendy, but also because the rumor is that Naleigh doesn’t really like her mom. (And by rumor, I mean Mrs. Kelley has talked about it in the press.)
I can relate because my relationship with my mother is complicated, too,...
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Here are Jason and Bethenny out on the streets of NYC after today’s earthquake, sans Bryn! I’ll assume she was with a babysitter, and not a casualty of an “every man for himself” disaster mentality.
I spend most of my time on the west coast, where the Holmes-Cruise family maintains a strict earthquake management plan. (By the way, family—you’re welcome. Thank...
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People reports:
Katie Holmes made a trip to Sprinkles Cupcakes in Los Angeles after calling the shop at the last minute with a “cupcake emergency.” The actress – a major cupcake fan – bought four-dozen assorted flavors, arrived by herself to pick them up and sipped a diet soda while waiting for them to be boxed up.
I can attest to the accuracy of this report.
It was teatime in...
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Thank goodness Jennifer Garner is now officially pregnant. It’s been obvious she was carrying some bonus pounds for a while—at least now she has a good reason. (Not a great reason, mind you—keep in mind that Katie only gained 8 pounds when she was pregnant with me, and I weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces.)
This baby better hope it’s a boy, just so this family can get some new...
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Zuma Rossdale got a mani-pedi in red and blue for his third birthday.
Look, I have no problems with boys being well-groomed. (And, of course, if Jenna Lyons says it’s okay, THEN IT IS.) My problem is the mismatching. Red and blue might go with your Captain America costume—which, by the way, looks so cheap and itchy it makes my skin hurt just looking at it—but it won’t go...
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Even Violet Affleck’s American Girl doll is underdressed, but I love how she experiments with color. Target tights really do come in a lot of colors! I’m amused by Violet’s doll choice, though—I’m somewhat of an expert and Violet is so clearly a Molly.
On another note, it’s getting harder to feel bad for Mrs. Affleck getting called pregnant all the time when...
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When mothers put barrettes and bows on their hairless daughters, it says one thing:
I am worried that even a dress will not convince you my child is a girl.
In Melissa Rycroft’s case, I think that might actually be an adhesive gift box bow stuck to her baby’s head.
The same effect could be achieved with better outfits, a girly hat, and maybe a little mascara.
Just as a reminder:
...
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While we’re on the subject of famous Swedes, here is a photo of Elin Nordegren and her two children, Sam and Charlie. This family has become kind of reclusive post-Tiger, but they were recently seen out and about in Miami.
I am disappointed that Sam and I missed each other on our Miami vacations, because I completely approve of her fashion choices—from that fun headband to that...
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WatchThat’s right. I’m beautiful, I’m stylish, and I’m also hilarious.
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Victoria, Crown Princess of Sweden, has announced that she is expecting her first child next spring. News like this kills me. I don’t particularly want to live in Sweden, but it breaks my heart that I will never be royal. Her birthday is a national holiday. More than half a million subjects showed up to watch their carriage go by on their wedding day.
Did you hear me? Subjects.
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Even I am not immune to the wonder that is Ryan Reynolds carrying a baby in a hiking backpack. This baby happens to be Sandra Bullock’s son Louis, and I have to say … I am extremely jealous. I’m really more of an indoor girl, but I think I could appreciate the wilderness if I was with Ryan and Sandra. And if I didn’t have to walk.
[Sidebar about earlier’s post:...
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Look who’s on the cover of People this week.
I take personal offense to them calling these kids “Hollywood’s cutest.” I’m not necessarily saying I should have that honor (although one could imagine I would probably be in the top five, at least), but just look at that little gaptoothed lesbian.
Did you hear about them taking a private train from London to Glasgow?...
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Here is Kevin “Weird Arms” Federline coaching his son Sean Preston’s little league game.
I have a healthy distaste for sneakers and getting dirty, so playing baseball isn’t for me. Also, I would rather eat the dirt on the field than be “coached” by my father.
The chef in our luxury box at Dodgers Stadium makes an amazing duck confit, though.
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There are so many things that disturb me about this picture.
First of all, there is nothing I hate more than having sand in my bathing suit, so I’m almost getting hives just watching David and Mercy.
Next, there’s the man groping Madonna in full view of her children. Tom and Katie would NEVER touch each other in my presence.
Finally, this “man” is 24 years old, while...
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I am concerned that if Haven Warren (Jessica Alba’s new baby) and Penelope Athena Richmond (Tina Fey’s) ever become friends, there will be trouble. Born only three days apart and with names like these, I’m worried they could end up starting a Renaissance fair or a candle store or a witch coven.
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Zahara’s wearing jean shorts to a performance of Shrek: The Musical.
Jean shorts. I don’t even OWN jean shorts. Or shorts. Or jeans.
Forget about getting an invitation to my treehouse for tea, Zahara. We are officially frenemies.
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Gossip Girl’s Kelly Rutherford is apparently obsessed with healthy eating:
“If they’re at a party with cake, I’ll say let’s have [a hard-boiled] egg instead.”
Look, I am all for dieting. In fact, I’m on the Dukan Diet right now. But cutting out cake, especially at parties, is just mean. Look at Helena’s sad little face! (Also, look at those...
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple is carried by her father (Chris Martin) to a waiting helicopter as they prepare to leave New York. Obviously not a seasoned jetsetter like myself, Apple required headphones. I personally think that these headphones make her look a little dumb, but I can appreciate that headphones would make life in that family a lot easier.
I mean, have you heard her...
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Adriana Lima talked to Page Six (seriously—Page Six) about her daughter Valentina’s language skills:
Lima said her daughter knows Serbian and Portuguese, but still talks to their Maltese in English, saying things like “come now” to get the puppy to follow her around. Brazilian-born Lima is married to Serbian pro basketball player Marko Jaric.
Please.
I speak five...
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It seems every three months there is speculation that Jennifer Garner is pregnant. It’s time everyone accepted the fact that Mrs. Affleck just can’t dress herself.
Almost everyone is rich enough to afford jeans without holes.
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I don’t understand why Kourtney Kardashian will give Mason fringe moccasins, but won’t introduce him to eyebrow wax and smiling.
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Reaaaaally graceful there, Tom.
Leaving New York by helicopter: just another Tuesday.
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When I first saw this picture, I almost gasped. COULD IT BE? Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in a sweet little dress/leggings combination carrying a pretty pink clutch?
Then I realized this is her baby sister, Vivienne. This is Shiloh:
Her bag is made of newspaper and her shoes are camouflage SLIP-ONS. No one ever listens to me.
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I want to believe that Michael Jackson’s orphaned children will grow up to be great philanthropists and human beings. I want to believe that they will be well-adjusted, but also fun dinner party guests. I want to believe that Paris will teach her brothers the value of a good haircut. But mostly…
I just find them really scary.
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Excuse me for not wanting to be seen with my mother’s pants.
I sat next to this for seven hours last night on a red-eye from LA to New York. She smells like Lycra and desperation.
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As you can probably tell, Katy Perry concerts really aren’t my brother Connor’s thing. I am sure he was embarrassed to have his picture taken here, because lately he is taking his “street cred” really seriously.
If you must know, I was scheduled to attend the concert, but when Katie put those gray leopard print jeggings on, I gave my ticket to Connor.
I take my street...
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For once, my main concern is not Shiloh’s attire or behavior, although with that bedhead, teddy bear, and blankie, you’d think she was on her way to a nap beside a panhandler instead of the theatre. No, my issue is that these children, some of the wealthiest in the world, are wearing sneakers and jeans to see a West End production of Wicked. Have you no respect for the arts, Pax?
I...
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Semi-famous Ethan Hawke and his non-famous wife, Ryan Shawhughes, had a baby a few weeks ago and it turns out they named her “Indiana.”
If you’re not a Native American, there is no reason to be named Indiana Hawke.
And no offense to my dear friend Dakota Fanning, but if celebrities must insist on naming their children after states, can’t they at least pick the good...
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Legendary costume designer Edith Head once said, “Your dresses should be tight enough to show you’re a woman and loose enough to show you’re a lady.”
Oh, Violet.
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Heidi Klum talked to Us Magazine about being the mother of four children:
“When you have one [child], you can focus on one. With four, you have to make sure [your attention] is all spread out just right,” she says. “You have to understand how different they all are! And at the end of the day, there is not much time left for you!”
One way Klum and Seal, 48, are...
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This picture is my nightmare. When I go boating, I like to have amenities like a tanning deck and an on-deck casino. I mean, do you think that bald guy is their personal sushi chef? Because I don’t. Rednecks sure do have low standards.
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Some children, like Zachary Furnish-John and Harper and Gideon Harris, have EVERYTHING. They have money, fabulous and famous gay fathers, and yacht vacations.
I’ve always wanted a yacht.
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Please know that I had no part in this outfit. I’m sure she needed help squeezing into those RED LEATHER PANTS, but she sure as sugar didn’t get it from me. Also, brown is not a color.
I’m so ashamed.
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A group of celebrity moms was recently asked about allowances:
Tori Spelling says, “I definitely think I want our kids to do chores. I think that’ll be important.”
Bethenny Frankel says, “I like $10 for an allowance. Maybe like biweekly, like I pay my assistants. Every two weeks you get $10. Maybe I’ll actually use paychecks to do her payroll.”
And Kourtney Kardashian says, “I think if...
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Gross! Angelina Jolie says:
“My boys love to eat crickets. It’s their favorite thing… When I first gave it to them… I wanted them to not be turned-off by something that wasn’t (part of) their culture. So I bought them… and they ate them like Doritos (chips). And they wouldn’t stop and they brought to-go boxes home. And then I had to actually ban the cricket-eating at a certain point because I...
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Denise Richards tweeted a photo of self-obsessed baby Eloise, who is pictured wearing Dior shoes.
Let me teach you a valuable lesson, Eloise. The labels go on the INSIDE.
Wearing things that advertise the designer’s name is cheap and tacky.
While we’re at it, so are rhinestones.
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There has been a slew of celebrity paternity issues in the press lately. January Jones continues to refuse to name the father of her unborn baby, Ryan Phillippe is being credited for fathering a kid, and now Linda Evangelista is claiming that Salma Hayek’s husband is HER baby’s father.
Listen. To a certain extent, paternity rumors can be a good thing. It adds a hint of mystery and...
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AAAAAAAAA! My big brother, Connor Cruise, got a deal with Lil Wayne’s record label as a music producer! The label is called “Young Money”! He is going to DJ and “produce beats”! He might even get to go on tour with other “YMCMB” artists! This is so great!
God, that was exhausting. I have no idea what any of this means. I try to be supportive, but this is just beyond me.
I really don’t...
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Here is Halle Berry’s daughter Nahla getting picked up from school by her dad, Gabriel Aubry. Her face says she know that this “craft” (butterfly on string?) is sub-par, and that her school is obviously not challenging her enough. By the time I was three, I was throwing elaborate parties and writing short stories IN CURSIVE. If I was Mr. Aubry, I’d be trying to get my...
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Oh, Emme. One day your mother will realize that she is A MOTHER and will stop baring her midriff in public. Won’t she? On second thought, maybe you should look into becoming an emancipated minor. I can send you the literature.
