July 2011
46 posts
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Alicia Keys and her husband, “Swizz Beatz,” both gushed about their son Egypt’s uninspired shoe collection.
Mr. Beatz says: “He’s got sneakers already. Same thing I wear, you know, like father, like son,”
Mrs. Beatz says: “He’s so cute. And you know his daddy always wants him in the cutest, most adorable sneakers.”
“Cutest, most adorable sneakers” is like...
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Jessica Capshaw talked to People Magazine about the, um, size of her baby.
“I don’t have slim children. I have hearty ones. My son was almost 9 lbs. My babies keep getting heartier. My daughter is crawling like a crazy little monkey — she can move like a butterfly. She’s amazing. I make all of her organic baby food, like I did with Luke,” the actress explains. “I don’t know how or why I...
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Salma Hayek and Valentina spent some money at Swarovski today. I wonder why. Are they going to hot-glue some crystals on a Halloween costume or something? Anything fancier surely requires diamonds.
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Don’t worry about me. I make her carry me. These shoes cost more than her car.
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Hehehehehehe. A karate white belt. Now we know who’d win in a fight between me and Violet Affleck. I’ve been training in Krav Maga for YEARS.
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I support behaving like a grown-up, but not when that grown-up is someone who would shop at Wal-Mart. Take yourself more seriously than bad highlights and wearing panties in public. And that goes for everyone!
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Kingston Rossdale is wearing a shirt that says “Working Class Hero.” What an oxymoron. Try something a little more accurate next time, like “Poorly Dressed Half-Hair” or “Help Me With My Sock Situation.”
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Hmm. Orlando Bloom told the Daily Record about his son Flynn:
“My baby is amazing, even his head smells amazing. His breath, the whole thing, you could eat him! He’s a big, beautiful boy. He’s great.”
I wonder what kind of products Flynn is using. His head can’t possibly smell better than mine. I have my shampoo shipped in from the UK—it’s the same...
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IT HURTS ME. The faces are so pretty, but the clothes are so sad.
I just couriered over a box of clothes from my overflow closet.
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WatchRachel Zoe gave ABC News a tour of her son Skyler’s closet, and both Mrs. Zoe and Julie Chen Juju Chang (sorry, Jooj) completely gushed over his clothes.
I just don’t get it. His shoes fit on one tabletop!
And, ladies and gentlemen, it doesn’t matter if the clothes are designer when the family does reality television. Even Marc Jacobs can’t trump tacky.
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Last night on The Tonight Show, Jessica Alba talked about her daughter, Honor:
“My girlfriend asked her, ‘Are you excited about being a big sister?’ and she’s like, ‘Yeah, because I’m going to be a grownup, I’m going to drink vino and drive!’ So that’s what she thinks,” Jessica laughs. “We’re great examples as parents!”
I don’t understand why (A) Jessica thinks this is so funny and (B)...
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Alicia Silverstone’s baby is cute—if woefully underdressed and sporting some pretty unfortunate bald patches—but I still can’t get over that she named this baby “Bear Blu.” I can spell ALL the colors, and “Blu” is WRONG.
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Selma Blair gave birth to a baby boy on Monday, and his name is Arthur Saint Bleick.
I can’t figure out if his last name is actually “Saint Bleick” or if Selma is just using “Saint” as a middle name to make her son seem more aristocratic than he is (read: not aristocratic at all). If this is the case, she should be ashamed. “Saint” is a badge of honor for...
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LOOK AT THE CANKLES ON THIS BABY.
(If you must, you can follow this on Twitter @surisburnbook.)
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Distressed boyfriend jeans, sweatpants, and (vomit) Ugg boots. If you didn’t recognize these people, you would think they were homeless. I mean, they’re flying commercial, so I guess they’re pretty close to homeless.
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Oh, Zahara! Let’s be best friends. I made that exact same face when I saw your sister today. Twice in one week would be excessive for any item of clothing, let alone that ridiculous vest. And doesn’t she know that opening her mouth in public like that is how you get bird flu? Gross.
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I could never go to a working class school. The whole “lunch in a box” thing gives me the shivers.
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Grier Henchy (the little one with the surly disposition) and I were born on the exact same day at the exact same hospital. Now, five and a half years later, I’m me and she’s an angry ginger at a Smurfs premiere.
I’ve yet to make my red carpet debut, but I can guarantee you that when I do, I will not be wearing PANTS and FLATS.
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Pardon my sensible flats. I was not expecting to be photographed at the market. Clearly, Katie wasn’t planning on being seen, either.
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Waiting in line! How adorable! I’ve never done this, but it looks like fun. Hehehe just kidding. It looks like socialism.
And Shiloh—pointing is rude. I know your mom’s lips make her look like a fish, but the real ones are INSIDE the aquarium.
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People want to believe that Harper Beckham and I are going to be rivals. This could not be further from the truth. I have no qualms with well-dressed, well-mannered young celebrities—it’s the slovenly little miscreants I take offense with. (And if you think I’m going to be jealous of a baby’s wardrobe, let me just remind you that I have invested $100,000 of Tom’s...
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Where’d your eyebrows go, Mrs. McDermott?
And Stella—every outfit is an opportunity. Try harder than Crocs.
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Yesterday, Denise Richards threw a baby shower for her newly adopted daughter, Eloise. Which basically means she threw a shower for herself. She invited her friends to a hotel party with explicit instructions to bring a gift. For her third kid.
It’s so tacky I can barely breathe.
Say what you want about my mother, but that bitch has manners. She didn’t even have a shower. You know...
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Billie Dane (daughter of Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane) sure fits in well at this “public park,” wearing denim (gag) and Velcro shoes. Did you know her dad is in rehab? Because he is.
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MY EYES! MY EYES!
I don’t know what’s more offensive: the matching plaid or that this photo was taken at the launch of American Eagle’s children’s line.
Retail makes my skin crawl.
Also, who are these people?
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Angelina Jolie is finally paying some attention to those twins she just had to have. Here she is carrying Vivienne and holding Knox’s hand … or is it the other way around? With this family, you never know.
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Alyson Hannigan says that her daughter, Satyana (I guess that’s a thing?) charms people out of jewelry:
“I was just noticing recently that, for some reason, she has a way of getting strangers to give her jewelry. I don’t know why, but she just charms them out of it I guess. The other day she’s talking to this women on the plane, and next thing I know, she’s holding this ring. This...
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Is it just me, or does David Ritchie look kind of like Black Voldemort?
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Denise Richards introduces her new baby, Eloise Joni, in this week’s Us Weekly. I am still giggling about her exclusive story getting bumped for a cover story about Marc and Jennifer. That’s just embarrassing, and it would never fly in the Holmes-Cruise empire. We have people who would take care of that, if you know what I mean.
While gushing about this totally...
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What an attention monster.
I understand the urge to act out when you have five siblings fighting for your mother’s attention, especially when it’s obvious she’d rather be focusing on ruining other people’s marriages and shopping for things that are black.
But do you have to run around an airport behaving like you’re on ecstasy?
Zahara’s face says...
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David Beckham now says that the name “Harper” comes from Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird, and “Seven” is because it represents “spiritual perfection” and, yes, also because of his jersey number.
PLEASE.
I’m five, and even I know that the only authors worth naming a child after are Dostoyevsky and Greta van Susteren.
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Family photo!
Hehehe just kidding!
I would KILL to see Shrek’s list of celebrities from highest to lowest. Obviously, Christina is higher than the Kardashians, who were not actually introduced to Shrek personally at the performance they recently attended.
Where would the Holmes-Cruises appear on this list? Let’s put it this way: if I disgraced myself and went to see Shrek: the...
Gwyneth has a history of being inappropriate, but that bathing suit really takes the cake. Only slightly less disgusting is Apple’s pattern-clashing. Like the sunglasses, though!
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I feel sorry for Max and Emme because they have Jennifer for a mom (selfish) and Marc for a dad (unfortunate genes), and because their parents are going through a divorce. That’s rough.
But I feel sorry for MYSELF because my damn mother is the face of Ann Taylor while these kids’ mom is the face of GUCCI. GUCCI. What’s the best I can get out of Katie’s endorsement deal?...
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Just me relaxing poolside. I believe this is right before the poolside bartender was summoned to take this vegetable water (gross) away. I thought every hotel knows I only drink seltzer with lemon and Diet Sprite.
Fun fact: This bathing suit cost more than Katie’s 2007 Oscar dress.
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I approve of everything in this photo. I think it’s cute that Honor and Jessica have a similar sense of style. Katie WISHES she had the knack for fashion that I have. I practically have to dress her every morning.
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The Beckhams have released two (two!) pictures of Harper Seven on Twitter and Facebook.
She’s a beautiful baby, but do these two know anything about a properly planned baby photo media release? She’s less than a week old! Where’s the mystery? Where’s the intrigue? Where’s the respect for young Harper’s media value? I mean, Facebook and Twitter? That’s...
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Crocs—eww.
Nose-picking—eww.
Public transportation—eww.
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Model Alessandra Ambrósio told People this week that her 2 1/2 year old daughter, Anja, wants a pet seal.
“She was like, ‘Mommy, can you buy one for me? I want a little one for the house! [I told her,] ‘No, we can look at them. We can’t have them at home.”
Anja, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I saw a seal at the zoo once, and I thought it would be like a cuddly cat, only...
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According to the Nice-Matin, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the First Lady of France, is officially confirming the worst-kept secret in the république française: she is pregnant.
I will admit that I am more than a little jealous of this baby. For starters, the glamorous international secrecy of this pregnancy is encroaching on my territory. And I’ve been working on my French skills, and my...
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Seraphina Affleck was photographed this week wearing (gasp) a hand-me-down from her sister Violet. I understand the need for even the upper crust of Hollywood society to be frugal these days. But fashion is not the place to skimp! This dress is SO 2008.
In fact, it’s possible that this very dress is my hand-me-down, as I started this trend three years ago.
It’s tacky to be seen...
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Sarah Jessica Parker talks about her twins in this month’s Vogue:
“Tabitha’s very, very outgoing, but physically she’s very shy,” says Parker. “She shakes in elevators; it’s very sweet, like Bambi. And then Loretta is pale, like my husband, with piercing blue eyes. But she’s physically bold.” Watching them, she marvels at how they could be so different and yet so recognizably related. “I think...
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