November 2011
40 posts
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Pippa Middleton: I’m over it.
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Hey, look, it’s a Kardashian news round-up! (At the end, we can have a barf party.)
Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again, and I am just about ready to give up on humanity. This woman can’t even dress the child she has, and now the universe is giving her another one?
Speaking of Mason’s fashion sense (or lack thereof), Kourtney recently gave E! a tour of Mason’s...
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We get it, Beyoncé. You are famous and your baby is famous and everyone is SO happy for you.
Me? I am all 26 dislikes this video has on YouTube. I haven’t been this nauseated since the day Tom put on his hotel balcony performance of Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina.
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Maggie Gyllenhaal is having another baby, to which I say, good luck. This is her first daughter, Ramona, who looks happy and insane and not at all scarred by the fact that she came thisclose to having Taylor Swift as a cool aunt.
You kind of get what you ask for when you name a kid Ramona, don’t you? If this family plans to continue naming their children after children’s book...
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The Spelling-McDermotts took their oldest kids to see Yo Gabba Gabba! this weekend, and Stella’s outfit is … yikes.
It’s like she borrowed costumes from community theatre productions of Annie and Cats, mixed them together, and added some cheap red weave pieces.
Also, Sprite? From a bottle? I don’t go to theatre productions where refreshments are served without garnish.
Sure, I much prefer a Storybook Breakfast to the rides at Disneyland, but I would ride Splash Mountain with the Witherspoon family. Look at Ava’s face! She even makes pure terror look awesome.
And that hands-up grandma is having more fun than I’ve had at any family function ever.
The President pardoned two turkeys this morning, but the real winner was Sasha Obama. Not only is her blazer fun and bold for fall, but that side-eye she’s shooting her father is downright epic.
She knows, as do I, that this whole turkey-pardoning bit is stale, and also that, President or not, her dad is embarrassing. Join the club, Sasha. Join the club.
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There are some disturbing rumors going around that I am writing a children’s book. Where do they get this stuff?
Obviously I write in my free time, but I am way beyond children’s books, people. My latest project is a collection of short stories reimagining Shakespeare’s historical plays as modern-day allegories of European politics.
Seriously, these tabloids can be really...
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Here are Harlow Madden and her mom Nicole Richie on their way to ballet. Let’s overlook Mrs. Madden’s stick-like ankles in those big boots and her embarrassing tights/jean-panties look and concentrate on Harlow’s get-up.
The tights are too big, the sleeves are unflattering, and if she’s trying to channel Natalie Portman here, let’s just be honest — in the...
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Tom really wants us to start pairs-skating competitively. I told him not until his triple toe loop improves and only if our team name can be The Princess and the Pea.
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Is this Violet Affleck or my grandmother?
I don’t even know.
And not just because my religion precludes me from knowing what my grandmother looks like.
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Beyoncé: still pregnant. Still rubbing it in my face.
Doesn’t it seem like she’s been pregnant for eight years, at least? I fear that I will always be able to separate my life into two distinct phases: pre-Beyoncé’s baby and post-Beyoncé’s baby.
I have a feeling I’m not going to like this phase.
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Hugh Jackman’s daughter Ava, rider of “scooters” and occasionally questionable dresser, went up a few points today when her dad admitted that she is not impressed by him or his Broadway show:
“About a week ago [my kids] came on a Sunday matinee. I said, ‘Guys, look, you can be honest with me. Do you like the show?’ My son Oscar says, ‘I really like it.’ I was touched....
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In a strange new interview with Self Magazine, Sarah Michelle Gellar talks about life with her daughter, Charlotte.
“Charlotte is my best friend, and any free time I have, I want to spend with her.”
No. The only mom who is allowed to call her daughter her best friend is the mom from Gilmore Girls, and that show isn’t even on anymore. Katie suggested she and I were friends...
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Seraphina Affleck is figuring it out!
When your mother dresses you in sneakers and a shapeless, possibly homemade frock, you’ve got to get a sweet smile.
Yes, Seraphina’s quite the charmer — imagine how much more adorable she’d be if she would just wear designer clothes.
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Ha! I’ve found Honor Warren’s first fault.
Ladies do not paint their nails more than one color. The pink is quite fun (and matches her outfit and handbag perfectly), and I could probably be persuaded that the blue isn’t tacky, but together it’s just a childish mess.
You’re never too young for a classic red.
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Bindi Irwin, age thirteen, is going to be a beautiful lady one day. (I’m really jealous of her hair, actually. Shh.) But I have some tips for her:
1. Stop following in your dad’s fashion footsteps, and wear some colors. Do you think I would be where I am today if I took fashion cues from Tom? Yikes.
2. Lay off the cheesy thumbs-up. Try a sassy hand-on-hip pose next time.
3. For...
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Connie Britton has adopted a baby boy from Africa! This news simultaneously thrills and depresses me.
After a three-year long adoption process, the actress’s dream of motherhood came true about a week ago, after she returned from the African country with her son Yoby — a nickname for Eyob, his given name.
“I am thanking my lucky stars every day,” Britton, 44, tells PEOPLE.The day she first...
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Willow Smith went to the Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 1: Ugh premiere last night, wearing cheap gold boots and, by my count, at least four different shades of black.
Willow would like Twilight.
I myself cannot wait for this hackneyed, sexist franchise to be culturally forgotten, so we can get back to empowered female characters, like Katniss Everdeen and Peggy Olson.
No, seriously, when is...
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So the word going around now is that Peanutgate, the international incident Kate Middleton started by refusing to eat peanut paste and igniting a frenzy of pregnancy speculation, was merely a case of the Duchess not wanting to be photographed eating.
After seeing this photo of Sadie Sandler (daughter of Adam), I admit that this could have been good judgment on the Duchess’s part. Boy, is...
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I feel like I should clear something up. See, in the subculture of upper-middle-class girls, it is common to choose an American Girl doll who shares one’s traits and quirks, such as cleverness or bravery or, for the unfortunate, gingerness.
(Violet Affleck chose this underwhelmer, so the theory definitely has merit.)
I was recently photographed with my new Julie doll. Julie is from 1974...
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Never let it be said that the Beckhams are not cultured. Here are Mr. B. and Cruz painting some pottery at Color Me Mine after soccer this weekend. One of the things I loved most about Cruz Beckham is that he is a true Renaissance man.
That, and that if we got married, his name would’ve been Cruz Cruise.
Don’t even pretend like that’s not how that would go down.
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Well, people, it looks like the media blackout on the Carey-Whatever twins is officially lifted, and boy, are their parents making up for lost time.
After Monroe and Moroccan’s appearance on 20/20, they’ve been just everywhere, and now, they have their own web site, www.dembabies.com. This exists solely to publicize the twins’ existence, complete with a Twitter roll for anyone...
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There’s a rumor going around that Victoria Beckham’s push present was a $33,000 iPhone made of 24 karat gold.
This is perhaps the most impractical thing I’ve ever seen. What are you going to do when the iPhone 5 comes out? Melt it down and reshape it? And how heavy must that thing be?
Look, I love decadence and iPhones as much as the next multimillionaire, but this is just...
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So Lourdes “Lola” Madonna (at least I think that’s her last name) has a blog, and her mom told Harper’s Bazaar about it:
She loves fashion and style. She helps design the collection. I just stand in the background and watch. I proofread her blogs and edit them and give her a hard time when I think she’s being a lazy writer.
Really, Madonna? You proofread them?...
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Here’s a photo of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt cuddling a gremlin. This entry practically writes itself.
It’s no wonder Shiloh identifies with a mischief-making little creature. She probably has cuddle-versions of Jar Jar Binks and Kreacher the House Elf, too. (Might this affinity explain her proclivity for not brushing her hair and generally being a maniac?)
Just … don’t feed...
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I guess I should’ve seen this coming. Since announcing her pregnancy last week, Jessica Simpson has been talking nonstop about it. In retrospect, I kind of can’t believe she fooled everyone into thinking that maybe she’d finally found something to be private about.
Alas, she was just waiting for Halloween so she could make that dumb mummy pun. [That’s a link to my...
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Has it really only been a year since Celine Dion gave birth to those “miracle” babies? It feels like they should be in college by now. But then, of course, one human year is equal to, like, twenty Celine years. Her husband is actually 195.
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In this sea of crazy and gray (can anyone tell Maddox and Pax or Shiloh and Knox apart anymore?), there is a hidden gem.
Vivienne Jolie-Pitt is turning into quite the little fashionista! Love the bulky capelet-coat contrasted with the sleek black leggings, and the suede boots are adorable, if you like dull colors as much as this family does.
Seriously, for people as committed to...
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So this is awkward.
Kelly Rutherford, cake-hater, accidentally called her son “my brother” at an event last week. She covered for herself, saying, “I always call them each other’s names, because my younger brother was like a son to me, in a way. You know when you have a little brother, you take care of him? My mother always used to say, ‘It’s like you became his mom.’ Like I...
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Look, people. It’s a self-obsessed attention monster with cheap eye makeup and a penchant for vapid, inexplicably chart-topping singles.
Oh, and Nicki Minaj.
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Kelly Rowland, the proverbial perennial bridesmaid, slipped up and announced that Beyonce’s baby is, indeed, a girl.
When asked what she would be gifting the baby with, Kelly said:
“I don’t know. I think her dad is gonna give her everything anyways. All I can give her is love.” She also said, “She’ll be very well behaved. Her parents will make sure of...
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Harper “Lumpy Butt” Beckham was the subject of everyone’s attention at Thursday’s LA Galaxy game. What else is new?
Why, I remember not so long ago, when everyone in that luxury box spent the whole game drinking red wine and doting on me. I’m already forgetting the taste of the crudités and the exhilarating feeling of looking down on so many sad soccer fans below.
...
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Oh no, oh no, oh no.
While visiting a UNICEF center in Denmark, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were offered peanut paste, a common food in packages provided to the hungry in third world countries. (Gross.)
Prince William ate it up, but Catherine refused, sparking speculation that she is pregnant. (Apparently pregnant women should avoid peanuts?) The Palace immediately put out a statement...
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I swear, I was just holding this for a friend.
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Jennifer Garner’s clothes and career can both be best described as “shapeless.”
Also, Starbucks really jumped the gun on the red cups this year. Putting them out in early November just devalues the entire red-cup concept. I myself won’t acknowledge the holiday season until the Third Avenue Bloomingdale’s puts up its Christmas window display.
It’s okay,...
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There are two kinds of city children. The me kind, and the Ava Jackman kind.
I have a car service so I don’t ruin my heels walking, while she wears sneakers and rides a scooter. (I had to Google [foot push not a bike] to find out what that weird thing is even called.)
I would never be seen in such an urban-boring outfit. She’s wearing more brown articles of clothing than I have in...
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Hugh Grant is (shocker!) a new dad. Says his rep:
“I can confirm that Hugh Grant is the delighted father of a baby girl. He and the mother had a fleeting affair and while this was not planned, Hugh could not be happier or more supportive. He and the mother have discussed everything and are on very friendly terms.”
How’s that for honesty?
Everyone loves Hugh Grant, either...
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Who wore it best?!
Several Hollywood children — including (clockwise from top left) Honor Warren, Sam Woods, Anja Mazur, and Naleigh Kelley, as if I needed to tell you — dressed up as Disney Princesses for Halloween, to varying degrees of success.
Sam Woods really phoned this one in, while Honor obviously committed fully to her portrayal of Jasmine. (Bare feet! What a risk!)...
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Oh, Britney. Let’s go through this one by one, shall we?
1. Batman isn’t wearing any shoes. This immediately destroys the illusion of the costume. Do you think The Dark Knight fights crime in socked feet? Neither do I.
2. There’s nothing sleazier than a messy red carpet. Somebody pick up that random pen on the floor!
3. The ninja has something (Lipstick? Rouge? Some kind...
